Image via Complex Original
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Aye, we're back-to-back on this award show shit, fam. It was a night of a thousand stars at the 2014 Emmys as celebrities from across both the big and small screen gathered to see who would take home the year's most prestigious television awards. As always, there were hits, misses and foul balls all over the goddamn place. Since the Primetime Emmy Awards are an actual award show, they're way more formal (read: black tie) than the annual struggle convention that is the VMAs. This means over-the-top ball gowns and ill-fitting tuxes for days. So, as always, we stole a bunch of images from Getty to determine who wore it best, who wore it worst and who shouldn't have even shown up in the fucking first place.
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Julia Louis-Dreyfus
If there was a church of Julia Louis-Dreyfus, I would convert immediately. JLD must be not of this world to continue to look this good. I know that she doesn't like to harp on how amazing she looks for her age in interviews, but come on now, fam. JUST LOOK AT HER. ELAINEEEE.
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Matt Bomer
Bomer is totally one of those "if you had to go gay, who would you pick" types of guys. And for good reason. Look at du here jacking Daniel Craig's enormous shawl collar swag game. One of the best-dressed last night for sure.
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Aaron Paul
Paul took home his third Emmy for his supporting role on television's greatest show (it's better than The Wire, you chodes) and in the process probably crashed his wife's website by thanking her so much. Seriously, bro, you're married. There is no reason to be this thirsty after you've already put a ring on it. He looks a little greasy on the carpet here, but he kinda always does, which is why he was such a convincing meth addict. He'd play a mean Dally in a reboot of The Outsiders even though outside of Breaking Bad this guy's acting is straight hot garbage (see: Need for Speed. Stay golden, BITCH.
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Lizzy Caplan
Lizzy, I've loved you since I binged watched Party Down in a day and a half. Now you're on Masters of Sex and super funny and super attractive and helped me master all of my masturbation because you've had sex on screen so I've seen your boobies. Will you go to homecoming with me?
7.66th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards - Arrivals
Drew Scott, J.D. Scott, and Jonathan Silver Scott
"Sirs, we're going to need you to leave the premises."
"Is it because I flashed the crowd?"
"No, it's because we have no idea who you are."
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Natalie Dormer
I've never watched an episode of Game of Thrones because I'm too busy shopping online like a virgin, but Natalie looks foooine as hell here. Seriously, these colors look amazing on you, girl. And I'm not just saying that because you could kick my ass. I may or may not have a fear boner right now.
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Kit Harington
Ohhhh, so this is the Jon Snow everyone (read: my girlfriend) talks (read: fantasizes) about. Got it. Definitely one of the better fitting suits on the red carpet last night. Now that everyone has a poorly-conceived, culturally-appropriated top knot, it feels played out, but Kit rolls with it pretty well here tbh.
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Lord Dinklage
Peter, my man, your sleeves, um, yeah, they need to be a little shorter.
See you motherfuckers in hell.
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Jesse Tyler Ferguson
Two gay dudes dressed better than pretty much everyone else. Shocker. Nice job reinforcing stereotypes, guys.
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Lena Dunham
Yikes. It's like Big Bird and Elmo got super drunk together and hooked up. Then, Big Bird got pregnant, but didn't realize it until it was too and kept smoking cigarettes and pounding booze before giving birth three months premature. That or this shit is straight fire and I just don't get it because I'm not a centaur.
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Sofia Vergara
I'll maintain till death that of the two milfs on Modern Family, Julie Bowen is the hotter one. I swear to god, I'll fucking fight you about it. Happy Gilmore over everything. But Sofia came through with the most wonderful of wonderbras to push those puppies up, not like she needed it or anything though. Thank you Big Spandex™.
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Kerry Washington
One of the many prides of New York, Kerry always shows up for award season looking smashing. Can you even believe she pooped out a baby FOUR MONTHS AGO?! But last night it sort of looks like that slit went up a few inches higher than she expected, so she panicked and put on something underneath to cover her bases. When you're in LA you don't need a base layer FYI.
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Adam Levine
Fresh off his riveting VMA performance, Adam Levine is back with a Narc Dad 2.0 look: '80s high school dance chaperone on smash right here.
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Bryan Cranston
I got a lot of love for Cranston's pencil stache. It kind of reminds me of Charlie Chaplin meets Hitler meets Michael Jordan, but considering he took home is fourth Emmy for BB, he can basically do whatever the fuck he wants. The Cranstache rides again.
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Matthew McConaughey
Matthew and Woody came through looking like the fucking Butabi brothers, but, on his own, Wooderson looked pretty solid. And standing next to that goddess, nothing else really matters when you think about it.
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Jon Hamm and Fuck Buddy
Every time I watch awards shows, there's always some actor whose wife or girlfriend you see and go, "UGH, he could totes do wayyyy better than her." The leaders in that clubhouse are Jon Hamm and Hugh Jackman, though, in Wolverine's defense, it's poorly lit inside of the closet.
You look a bit scraggly here, Don, but I don't blame you. It's like you knew you weren't going to win...AGAIN. Now that Breaking Bad is officially done cockblocking you, I recommend dusting off that mantle of yours.
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Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein
Has making fun of hipsters jumped the shark yet? Or has it just taken Fred and Carrie four years to realize it? Fred's dressed like a late night band leader. Oh wait, that's right, moving on.
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Sarah Paulsen
Guys, I know the Great Barrier Reef is dying, but I didn't realize sea anemones could actually leave the ocean. ZING!
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Jimmy Kimmel
We realize you've lost a ton of weight, Jimmy, so you don't have to wear three piece suits everywhere you go anymore. Like, holy shit, dude, you don't work at Men's Wearhouse. Try loving the way you look just once.
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Sarah Hyland
Ah, the queen of playing an underage teen. She's actually 23, so go ahead and stare, guys, it's okay. Then again, you probably Googled it last night just to be safe. Rock on, perverts.
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Chris Bosh
Legitimately? Best-dressed. GASP! And I'm not just saying that because he's super tall and managed to get a suit that fits. Also, why the fuck were you even there, Chris? Ladies and gentlemen, the new (Cretaceous) face of the Miami Heat.
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Seth Meyers
While he kinda bricked the whole "hosting" part of his job, Seth did look pretty fucking good, except for that busted ass piping around the back part of his collar. So, so close, yet so, so far. You'll get 'em next year, Seth, when you're definitely not hosting because, again, you pretty much sucked.
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Nolan Gould
Everyone, take a look at "2009 #menswear bro at an event dinner." That jacket is ridiculous, but Nolan is young, so let's let him have some fun with it. It actually does fit pretty well. And at least he knows that lapels in Hollywood need to be fye. You could land a private jet on those things.
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Eric Stonestreet
Eric Stonestreet, set to play the next Hulk, scheduled to film in about three hours when he gets back home and rips that tuxedo wide open.
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Cary Joji Fukunaga
The True Detective auteur draped up and dripped out the Criptails before taking home the hardware and your girl in the process. But, I mean, who doesn't want to investigate this guy's trousers? Wow, what a fucking legend.
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This Kid
*Reads Four Pins once.*