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According to The New York Times, clothes aren't cool anymore. Nowadays, it's all about having super cool tech. If you get caught sending a text on an out-of-date cellphone, you might as well call it a day because, just like your phone, your whole social presence is a fucking brick. It's like wearing items from a couple of seasons ago in the fashion world. Un-fucking-fathomable. Sacrilege. Embarrassing.
I may no longer be a cool teen. Maybe I never was. And at the risk of sounding like a total old, having a cellphone in high school was dope. But it was never that dope. Today, of course, it's a bit different with Instagram and Twitter and such. I've hemorrhaged an entire iPhone battery just scrolling through endless 'grams and tweets to keep myself entertained. Yet, I was still very aware of the clothes I was wearing while I did so. I mean, you have to wear clothes in public. Plus, I didn't want to seem like the lame dude in the corner of the party in sweats and a flannel with a huge mustard stain on it, completely oblivious to my slob-like nature.
Homegirl Eva Chen of Lucky Magazine even checks in for the story to say teens use the newest tech in the same way that men used ornate Rollies and Hublots. I love you, Eva, but goddamn, I really hope you're wrong. I hope the day never comes when, instead of sneaking a peek at someone's watch under their cuff, I catch a quick look to see if they have the most popping iPhone. If so, we, as a civilization, will cease to prosper. I've been on my iPhone 5 since 2012 and it's an enormous piece of shit. The battery immediately dies after I hit 20%. If my social status is judged based upon my ability to keep my old phone in usable condition (without a fucking case no less) for two whole years while waiting for the next iPhone to come out, I'm fucking out man. Straight up, lemme just head off into the woods alone to die. I guess responsibility is frowned upon these days?
The teenage girls The Times talked to—one of them is a model!—went as far as to say, "A phone keeps you much more entertained. It's a better distraction than clothing." Of course it's a better distraction. Our clothing can't hold 32 gigs of music or help us find the best ramen place in our neighborhoods or connect us to other thirsty singles. It's not technologically capable. Am I wrong in thinking that clothes shouldn't be considered a "distraction?" They should be part of who you are, not a diversion from it. Sure, we all use clothes to cover things up, but your wardrobe should accentuate that shining personality you have *wink*. Your phone should be a distraction from the real world. Get lost in those perfectly cropped 'grams and fire tweets. That's what they're there for. And, guess what? You can even use that newest tech of yours to order clothes online! OMFG, right?! Who would have ever thunk that these two seemingly separate things could actually go hand-in-hand? Tech and fashion are not mutually exclusive anymore because, last time I checked, it was 2014. Live and learn.