Image via Complex Original
1.
Introducing the new #1 selling gift for that annoying 40-year-old virgin in the cubicle next to you: Scent of a Loser soap. This is the perfect “gag” gift that you can tell them you’re only kidding about, but you know for a fact you fucking hate that guy. I mean, for $12 this is absolutely perfect. Look at the ingredients in this thing: beer, bitters, dead sea salt, olive, coconut and palm oils. That’s, like, every single ingredient you buy for a romantic evening with that girl from work who was stupid enough to come to your apartment to "review that Powerpoint presentation on quarterly earnings." It’s basically step by step directions.
1. Hit her with some Duvel beer—it’s Belgian so she'll think you read a lot or some shit.
2. When you dig yourself into too much of a hole, break out the bitters for a Manhattan. You both know she’s not about to head into the no fly zone unless she’s drunk.
3. Dead sea salt with a little bit of olive oil for the fondue you’re cooking up.
4. Coconut and palm oils for the slippery rub down on the piece of blue tarp your threw over your bed.
Boom, laid. Too bad you fuck it up every time and can’t get numero dos.
Also of note, there was “Scent of a Winner” soap available on Friday, but I bought it all up to wash away my sorrows since this post is more or less written from personal experience.
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