12 Soul Crushing Things No Stylish Guy Ever Wants to Hear

Image via Complex Original

Said by: Banker

Credit line extended to the max, you turn to the bank to give you that little extra cash flow to cop that latest grail. Unfortunately, the bank only provides loans for those who want to buy a car or a house…not to fill their closets.

Said by: Police Officer

“What a deal” you exclaimed as you copped what normally retailed for $1,500 for a mere $200. Unfortunately, your deal turned out to be a high quality fake. Even more unfortunate, is that you're now linked to an intricate ring of knock-off designers shipping through JFK Airport—and you're being arrested.

Said by: Your Crush

Sure you draped yourself in only the biggest and best labels, but while your fit looks phenomenal, the clothes don't necessarily make the man...especially when you're found out to be a sniveling crybaby with zero self-confidence.

Said by: Tommy Ton

Tommy “The Gawd” Ton is one of the few men that can turn you from wannabe to menswear icon. Granted, that doesn't really mean that much, especially considering that it really comes down to a few random guys fawning over your look. So much for internet celebrity right?

Said by: Your Stylish Friend

All men need a good tailor, and stylish guys are usually on a first name basis with theirs. The guy you've been sending your most prized pieces to, literally knows you from head to toe, and you're assuming that he's cutting up some of the most expensive gear you own with skills to match. All it takes is an eye for the obvious details to dispel the myth that your tailor doesn't have the skill of “a Italian heritage designer”

Said by: The Dry Cleaners

The “mystery stain.” A combination of dread and disappointment fills you. You don't know how that mark got on your favorite, irreplaceable grail, and you don't know what it is—but the piece is unwearable until you can get the damage taken care of. With even the best dry cleaner in town coming up short, is headed only one place: six feet under your closet.

Said by: Buffalo Exchange Employee

You were banking on flipping your unworn merch to fund your latest shopping spree. Considering you've already got a bill worth half your paycheck on your credit card statement and you have a closet full of great brands, this should be cash-in-hand once you hit the Buffalo Exchange. Unfortunately, your taste may be a bit niche; the store has determined that there's really not a market for sheer Rick Owens muscle shirts—even if you paid $600 for it.

Said by: Sales Associate

Wow, a place that carries the tailored designs you want with a selection you haven't seen anywhere else. The fit may seem a little slimmer than what you're used too, but what the hell, the gear is probably “European” and you'll just go up a size. Unfortunately, the sales associate shattered your dreams when they announced your haul was collected entirely from the women's section. Now that you think about it, the single digit sizing and jeans without pockets did seem a little strange…

Said by: Swagless Boss

It's never been easier for swagless bros to look decent. As a result, the rare garments you seek are readily copied by larger brands, and the facsimiles regularly find themselves in the closets of basic dudes who "just want to look good in their clothes." While they have no desire to upgrade their basic mallwear, it can be discouraging when they confuse your designer threads with run-of-the-mill menswear.

Said by: Email From Your Favorite Store

Like a sudden natural disaster there's no way to know this will happen to you until it hits you from out of the blue. You just dropped your month's rent on a few pieces you've had your eye on for weeks. “No time like the present” you thought to yourself. Too bad you'll be kicking yourself for the next month as you realize you could have saved hundreds on the very same purchase—if only you just waited a day.

Said by: Sales Associate at a Sample Sale

You're feeling pretty confident that you're a sample size. Of course, that's why you can be caught at the latest sample sale of your favorite designer. Sadly, your inability to avoid the holiday buffet left you carrying more than presents back with you—something you're sadly unaware of until you were trying on samples. Turning to the sales associate, you confirmed what you already feared, nothing at the sample sale is going to fit you.

Said by: Publicist at the Fashion Show

Arguably the most incredible way to attempt to sneak into a fashion show. Using this will either result in undeniable failure, or unbelievably surprising success. If this actually works for you, you could certainly try to tell someone, but they'd never believe you.