Don't despair, dude bros. There are still certain venues where your cargo shorts are acceptable. Once you get older, you can still wear them around the house. You can mow your lawn in them, just as your father wore his way too short cut-off jean shorts to mow the lawns of your childhood. You can wear them on your beach vacation as you sip Corona Lights from bottle protected by "Life's A Beach" koozies. You can even where them when you scream, red-faced at your future child's youth soccer games.
As far as more social public settings go, there is a hard and fast rule. When you leave college and finally place your hackeysack and decorative bong in long-term storage, it is time to retire those cargo shorts as well. If you wear cargo shorts to the bar after age 25, you are going to repel women as readily as I do when I tell them I'm a freelance writer. If you wear cargo shorts to a restaurant that doesn't have a red sign you can see from the interstate, you are guilty of a fashion faux pas.
Boys, if you're thinking about wearing cargo shorts this summer, just no. pic.twitter.com/jQTBSdM0l7— AvgRichKidProblems (@AvgRichKidProb) May 12, 2015
There is no need to rend your cargo shorts in a fit of bro rage. You can hang onto your precious cargos, just remember there is a right time and place for those many-pocketed shorts.