Crucial Coolmesh

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This Maharishi sweatshirt is mostly loopback jersey cotton, but it has crucial Coolmesh panels. That means you get to be a modicum cooler than you would be in a regular sweatshirt. So whenever your friends are like, “You’re wearing shorts, but aren’t you hot in that sweatshirt?” you can explain to them how Coolmesh fabric works. Or you can just ignore their question and reply with one of your own—perhaps about how they stay comfortable in skinny jeans in the summer or why they care so much about what someone else is wearing. You won’t keep a lot of friends this way, but the planet's resources are dwindling rapidly and the fewer human relationships you have, the more resources you can hoard for yourself for the impending environmental apocalypse. Then, when you see your former friends scavenging for food, you can eat your Hot Pockets in front of them and be like, “YOU SHOULDA NEVER POINTED OUT HOW I WAS SWEATING DESPITE MY COOLMESH PANELS.”

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