The Best And Worst Dressed (And Most Heavily On Drugs) At The 2015 MTV Movie Awards

In the grand scheme of irrelevance, there may be nothing more utterly and completely irrelevant than the MTV Movie Awards, which is kinda, like, the entire appeal, ya know? Why would we be watching an awards show for movies on a network that stands for Music Television? While the fact that MTV barely plays music anymore may directly coincide with the fact that it can get away with putting on an awards show that no one pays attention to, that doesn't mean we weren't on top of things, ready to call out the posers and praise the what amounts to simply the lesser of evils. Unfortunately, there were very few of the latter. I mean, just look at this fucking bullshit. It isn't even an actual red carpet. Of the few real celebrities that showed up, most of them didn't even go in front of the cameras, not that I can blame them. I was watching this bullshit online stream with all these different feeds and a bunch of famous people just rolled up to a nearby parking garage and walked into the venue all covert like rather than get their photos taken. In retrospect, this was the most solid career move of all time. I wouldn't have wanted to show my face here either. While I admittedly have very little integrity remaining, if any whatsoever, this one really pushed me to my limits. So, let's see who had the unfortunate distinction of showing up at the 2015 MTV Movie Awards last night.

[Photos via MTV and E!]

Amy Schumer

The night's host is one of the funniest and crudest women alive. She's not necessarily meant to look glamorous, even though she looks pretty great here. Yes, even as a miniature child's piano.

Victoria Justice

Where do you know her from? Pull from deep within your puberty-era spank bank. You never watched Zoey 101 on Nickelodeon? Um, yeah, totally, me neither.

Brittany Snow

The thing about Brittany Snow is that she's obviously good looking. She's technically a celebrity, so it all just works when you're one of the most famous people at an event as pointless as the MTV Movie Awards. Enjoy it, Brittany. This is your moment. See you next year. And, just to be clear, I fucking love Pitch Perfect. Don't get it twisted.

Rebel Wilson

Back to my Pitch Perfect stannery. If you have not seen that shit approximately ten times, you have no right to talk any shit because it's a rule that once you start watching, you cannot stop until it's finished. And you already know PP2 is going to slay. Just admit it so we can move on.

Emily Ratajkowski

Ah, the main attraction from the uncensored music video for "Blurred Lines" that you almost broke your wrist Googling up after you found out it had boobies in it. Affleck's absolutely banging jailbait from Gone Girl can't lose. Damn, God really put in overtime on her. I mean, if you got 'em, flaunt 'em. BOOBS.

Amber Rose

I don't know what to say about Amber Rose because she seems to have almost as many fans as she does haters. And here I am, with little to no opinion on her at all. Okay, here's what I got: Wiz lost and those of us with ears won because this is, after all, My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy's thot muse.

Miles Teller

Probably the best dressed of the night, no? I mean, it's the MTV Movie Awards, so no one really cares. BUT, if you show up looking like a slob, you definitely lose. And if you show up too fancy, you look like a total fucking herb. This is the perfect middle ground. A life-size Bratz doll on your arm is a push.

Anders Holm

We cannot slander The 'Ders Gawd because he has read Four Pins more than once. Seriously, peep the timeline.

Farrah Abraham

The Teen Mom sensation you may know from her recent porn. You gotta love how MTV is out here furthering careers.

Machine Gun Kelly

MGK is easily our most heavily on drugs, right? Real nice of him to respect the bring your own meth policy.