Is It Lit? A Four Pins Investigative Report

Being a swaglord is exhausting. Not only do you have to be out here constantly influencing and going to open bars and building with fam, but you have to always be on top of the most current Cool Teen™ slanguage. That's its own separate job in and of itself, as Cool Teens™ have no regard for anything. They do not respect swaglords. They do not respect authority. They are a bunch of lawless, wild beasts. As of today, March 5, 2015, their most popular phrase du jour is "it's lit," or one of its various derivatives, such as like for example, "lit like Bic" and "oh, it's fuckin' lit." And, though it is approaching the end of its life cycle as it has recently reached Celebrity Mom usage, it is a succinct phrase to denote that everything is about to, or already has, gotten considerably wild.

ADHD Sonically Personified aka Rae Sremmurd (which is supposed to be "Ear Drummers" backwards, but that would technically be "Sremmurd Rae") have replaced Future as the ambassadors of the Shirk Responsibilities And Do Whatever To Find A Semblance Of Joy movement, but the crux of the matter at hand is identifying when something is actually, truly lit. Misreading a social lituation can lead to ostracism. If a funeral is not, in fact, lit and you start pouring sparkling Moscato on the open casket corpse, there will be consequences your rich dad cannot get you out of. Thankfully, you *read Four Pins more than once* so you are already clued in. But, as with with everything, deeper insight can always be gained from professionals. You think the Pins pays me a cool fifteen bucks a think piece if I didn’t know what I was talking about? Bruh, I stay seeking out transient happiness at the cost of alienating my loved ones. So, get out your fucking notepad. This is your field guide to identifying if it's lit.

Justin Roberson got penalized in rehab cuz a bitch was 'bout to commit suicide and he said, "Oh, it's fuckin' lit." Follow him on Twitter here.

Does it involve someone proclaiming their love for another human?

It is not lit. Love is not lit. Love is the opposite of lit. Love causes your lit bulb to slowly start dimming over time like the opposite of those 4W ones IKEA sells. People will try to convince you that love is lit. They will do this by attempting wild faux lit shit like choreographed wedding dances and elaborate Twitpic montages. Ello. Fucking. El. You're not fooling anyone.

Contrary to what How I Met Your Mother wants us to think, life is not a romantic litcom.

Does it involve putting yourself into massive debt?

Trick question! It depends on what you're doing it for.

If you are putting yourself into debt with student loans in an attempt to get an "education," then it's decidedly not lit. In fact, it's the antithesis of lit. That's like if one of the prisoners in Plato's cave extinguished the fire with their deep brown urine. College can certainly be lit, I guess. (Though, in the interest of total transparency, I wouldn't know as I dropped out in 10th grade, but I have seen those Fuck Fest vids on the Internet.) However, amassing millions of dollars of debt to maybe afford yourself a few years to dick around is ignorant. Don't take chances. Make the turn up a certainty.

How are you going to live the most lit life possible if you're having to split your time between classes and essays and partying? Work on the turn up every day. Be the Tony Horton of Beachbody Litness.

It'd be a smarter idea to go into debt creating memories for you and fam that you can hold on to forever and look back on fondly when you are an unemployable 28-year-old high school dropout sleeping in a walk up ATM cube. Instead of dropping a rack on textbooks, you may or may not even use, spend that at the club on only grenadine. LOL. Instead of "paying tuition," cop a luxury auto and lock yourself into a high monthly payment on a depreciating asset. Fiscal irresponsibiLITy is the wave. Do your best to put the ill in "ilLITerate."