I'VE NEVER WANTED TO BE A CARPETBAGGER MORE THAN RIGHT NOW. That is a loaded statement, I understand. But you guys see these Stanley & Sons x King Kennedy Persian rug totes? FUCKING FIRE. I want to traipse through a scenic downtown area with one of these bags, absolutely shaming all the other cool guys traipsing through said downtown area. Like, everyone at the coffee shop will just shut their whole day down after seeing me. Their significant others will be like, "Wait, why are we walking back to the car? What about picking up the candied persimmons and pretending like we actually garden at the expensive twee gardening shop?" And all they'll say in reply is, "Not today, boo. You see that king's bag? That's a Persian rug. Probably at least 100 years old. I can't compete with that. We're done. I need to go home and regroup. I just got shitted on."
