NEWSFLASH: Holiday Shopping Deals Online Are Not Actually Deals At All

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By now, everyone has heard the blowback about Black Friday and made up their minds about it. Either you go full turbo despite busting at the seams with Thanksgiving leftovers or you believe it's just a ploy for stores to make money and quench our inherent thirst for CONSUMERISM. There's no real in between. Of course, right around the corner from Black Friday is holiday shopping season because you have to find some video game to give your younger brother so he won't hate your fucking guts the other 364 days of the year. And what better way to do that than scour the web for the cheapest price and cop those DEALZ? Well, apparently, those deals aren't actually deals at all according to The New York Times.

All those extravagant discounts shoved right in front of our faces? NOT REALLY DISCOUNTS. Product review site The Wirecutter found that of the 54,000 holiday deals they investigated, only 300 were worth your money. That's less than 1% for the math wizards out there. For example, Kohl's was offering the Jawbone UP24 for $100, discounted from $130. Only that $130 is the "suggested price" that's never used and you can still find the thing for less than $100 elsewhere, even after the so-called "limited time" offer. WOW, WHAT FUCKING SHYSTERS. Though, who shops at Kohl's anyway? Fashion does function a bit different during holiday shopping season as stores need to clear out room for the next season's stock, but in general, the best stuff never even makes it to discount anyway. "Who the fuck bought those very expensive sneakers at full price?" is a question I ask myself regularly and I'm sure you do too.

But it goes deeper! The very concept of a "deal" arouses a reaction from consumers and impairs our judgment. It goes without saying, but check to make sure you're actually getting the price that's advertised this time of year. Those extra clicks are worth it, especially when you consider the fact that you're not doing shit at work besides reading Four Pins anyway.

P.S. Santa isn't real.

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