This is what The New York Times is here for. TRUE CUTTING EDGE JOURNALISM, FOLKS. The paper of record just spent a day with the nation's first marijuana critic in Colorado. Jake Browne pens weed reviews for The Denver Post and since marijuana's legalization in the state in January, he's written 27 reviews for the paper. Naturally, he's a comedian and a founder of a hemp subscription service. Because, like, sometimes life is extremely obvious.

Anyway, Jake is basically the Tim Blanks of the marijuana world. He pays attention to how every strain burns, feels, tastes and, eventually, how hungry it makes him. Sounds pretty great, right? Like, you could probably do his job if you tried hard enough, right? Sorry, fam, life isn't fair. Jake is also a supertaster, which makes him a more genetically advanced authority on how marijuana tastes. While he takes his role in the world very seriously, he doesn't want to become a wine critic of pot. See, there are already enough condescending potheads in the world.

The only issue? Homie doesn't get paid enough for this to be a full-time gig. He doesn't even get reimbursed for the product he reviews! Sometimes you just gotta take what you can get, I guess. But, fortunately, according to the piece, the mid is selling.