HAHAHA MY BOY DICK OVENS MADE A SKATEBOARD OUT OF PETRIFIED WOOD AND IS SELLING IT FOR OVER NINE THOUSAND POUNDS. THAT IS OVER 15 THOUSAND AMERICAN MONIES FOR WHAT IS LITERALLY A PIECE OF GARBAGE. But I can't hate because guess what? It's almost already sold out. Granted, there was probably only, like, 3 of these decks, but, still, have you ever sold something for 15 racks? YOU COULD BUY ALMOST A KILO OF COCAINE FOR THAT MONEY. KILOS OF COCAINE ARE OFTEN THE BUILDING BLOCKS TO DRUG EMPIRES THAT EVENTUALLY CRUMBLE INTO PARANOIA AND VIOLENCE. Or, you know, just literal building blocks to a gigantic statue of yourself.

I love how in the product description, Selfridges says the Rick Roller™ "is a truly luxe way to travel," only to immediately follow that up with the warning: "Due to the delicate nature of this item it is a display piece only, skating is not advised." BLATANT CONTRADICTION HAS NEVER BEEN THIS LIT, DAWGS. I know petrified wood is probably, like, art or something equally as dumb, but if I ever came over to your house and you had this hanging on your wall, all I would do is make petrified wood/boner jokes all day. A $15,000 skateboard you can't even skate if you wanted to? Damn, Rick, that'll buy a lot of new iPhone 6s to take selfies with.