We Guarantee It (Well, Actually, We Don't)

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Damn, it's like Skylar incepted me or some shit with all this talk about hybrids lately. Like, now I really need this Golden Bear harrington meets mac (available in both khaki and "steel," which to me seems just, like, olive). Wear one of those cool pullover anoraks that I told you to buy a few months back underneath this bad boy and you're gonna look fucking amazing. I guarantee it. Well, actually, I don't guarantee it because you guys are fickle motherfuckers and also a bunch of goddamn contrarians. We have such a weird relationship, guys. Sometimes, I fucking hate you, but other times I love you because your comments and clicks actually make sure I get a paycheck every month AND I NEED THAT DIRECT DEPOSIT MORE THAN I NEED ANYTHING ELSE IN LIFE.

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