Our archnemisis, Betabrand is back at it, friends. This time, it's struck such basic gold with all the people who simply cannot be bothered to put on more than one clothing item on their body in the morning. It's called the Suitsy and is exactly what the fuck you think it is.
Please, in the name of all that is holy, can we just stop applying stupid ass shit to clothing in the name of human advancement? This does not need to exist. The photo above should explain quite vividly how this godforsaken contraption works: a jacket connected to a shirt, connected to pants, with a zipper that runs from the bottom of the fly up to the neck of the wearer, fastening the shirt in the process, while relying on fake buttons to make it look like it's a real shirt.
Honestly, can you even imagine the look on an adult human's face when they ask you where you got your suit and you have to tell them it's a fucking onesie? Also, how about when it's a billion degrees out and someone asks you why you don't just take off your blazer and chill? BECAUSE YOU LITERALLY ARE UNABLE TO REMOVE IT FROM YOUR PERSON. I can with 100% certainty tell you that their eyes would do a complete rotation into the back of their skull before bleeding out from the complete and utter swagless aura you're projecting. In this getup you are the fucking grim reaper of swag. Wherever you go, you commit swagular homicide.
Just take a look at the Suitsy in action. Wipe that smug look off your face, Jesse. This shit is terrible. Even your dog wants nothing to do with you as he sits there SMFH-ing so much his head is going to pop off his fucking neck. If man's best friend can't even bear to look at you, you know you have a problem, fam. Not even the disease-infested, sloppy as fuck, "if you wear jeans and a hoodie, you're probably a millionaire" city of hot garbage, San Francisco, needs this. I can't wait for the negative global climate effect this is going to have thanks to an entire city collectively shitting and pissing itself because YOU CAN'T EVEN PROPERLY GO TO THE BATHROOM WHILE WEARING THIS MONSTROSITY.
Please—PLEASE—stop this genocide of swag, Betabrand. We're this close to creating an online petition calling for you to be charged and tried and finally help accountable for your egregious alphet war crimes against humanity.