Peep this Alexandre Plokhov hooded cashmere poncho tho, dawgies. It's like if Ricky O collaborated with Professor Snape. It's drapey, ominous and apparently only comes in one size: "Unique." Fuck knows what that means. I read the description in a feeble attempt to find out and, weirdly, it has literally zero outstanding features besides just, like, existing in the firs tplace. You know when you have to start listing deficiencies like "unlined" and "non-detachable hood" in the product details section that you're struggling.

So, yeah, if you have a spare $1700 burning a hole in the pocket of your new A.P.C. KANYE stacks (see: questionable sources of income) maybe pick this thing up? Pair it with your ski mask and some taekwondo lessons. Then, fight crime in your neighborhood. Them girlies love taekwondo.

Moksha August is a serial Four Pins commenter turned writer. I guess you could say that he started from the bottom. Haha, that's the spot. You can follow him on Twitter here.