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To be completely honest, I'm not exactly sure what Cannes even is. Even as someone who considers himself fairly well versed in cinemaz (I actually went to go see Locke in theaters last week), the whole thing just seems like a big excuse for rich people to fly out to France and get wasted on a bunch of yachts. Which, let's be clear, is totally fine by me. Assuming I had the means, I would absolutely go to Cannes (by the way, is it pronounced "can" or "kahn"?) and throw money at women who are way out of my league in hopes of having meaningless sex with them. Maybe I'd even try and get after a few celebrities like my girl JLaw, who I would desperately try to impress by complementing her on the subtleties of her performance in American Hustle. Anyway, without further adieu, here are the people who showed up to Cannes looking dope and the people who showed up to Cannes looking like butt.