Everyone was a huge twat in high school. The people you hated were twats. The people you called your friends were twats. Hell, even you were a twat. Frankly, if I had to guess, I'd wager that you were one of the biggest twats of all, right? But hey, take a deep breath. It's okay. Even I was a twat if you can believe it.
Well, get ready because today we're going to take a trip down memory lane and revisit some of the most memorable twats from your adolescence to make fun of their shortcomings. Moreover, we'll be guessing what sort of depressing activities they are now taking part in as adults. Who knows, maybe you'll even find yourself in here.
Matt Rimer is a writer living in Boston. Follow him on Twitter here.
1. douchbagshighschool
2. pregnant
The Pregnant Girl
Everyone had that one pregnant girl in their school. I mean, unless you went to an urban high school, in which case I'm assuming all the girls were preggers (note: everything I know about inner-city schools comes from Dangerous Minds). It was like, we get it sweetie, you're pregnant. Now stop rubbing our faces in it. Put on a baggy sweatshirt and eat a jar of peanut butter and stop complaining. Go have your life ruined somewhere else. You're killing everyone’s vibe.
What they are up to now: Blasting Coolio to drown out the deafening screams of the horrible child(ren) she doesn't love.
3. fatlineman
4. squid
5. noface
6. morningannouncements
The Kid Who Did The Morning Announcements
The guy that read the morning announcements over the intercom was a straight up cocksucker. You'd be in homeroom trying to catch a quick nap before classes start, dreaming about rubbing your nose in Ms. No Face's enormous tits when this jamoke would chime in with some shit about an ice cream social. MOTHERFUCKER, I AIN'T GOT TIME FOR SOME BITCH ASS ICE CREAM SOCIAL. I'M 15 YEARS OLD. I SMOKED A CIGARETTE ONCE. I DO MY OWN LAUNDRY. I HAVE A LEARNER'S PERMIT. GET OFF ME.
What They Are Up To Now: He runs a True Detective fan theory podcast that nobody listens to.
7. DMX
The White Kid Who Told People DMX Was His Dad
He wore a du-rag into school and made everyone feel super uncomfortable when he said the N-word, justifying its use with the phrase, "I’m allowed to say it. It's our word." He claimed that a young Earl Simmons was Ruff Ridin' his mom before he made it big and that X would visit every Christmas to give him presents like a terrifying Santa Claus.
Reenactment:
Kid: Aw, no way! Monopoly! Thanks DMX!
DMX: YOU THINK IT'S A GAME? YOU THINK IT'S A FUCKIN' GAME?!
Turns out, his dad was actually a Jewish guy named Larry. Go figure.
What They Are Up To Now: Yelling the lyrics to rap songs as loud as he can, even though nobody thinks he's cool, as he walks down the street to his job at Long John Silvers.