I know I'm getting old because teenagers not only annoy me, but they straight up baffle me. According to this Huffington Post story about this study by Piper Jaffray, teens are now spending more time and money on food than on fashion. FUCK YOU, TEENS. THIS IS WHY YOU FAT FUCKS ONLY GET UNPAID INTERNSHIPS. Like, what's the point of even being a suburban teen if you don't spend all of your free time at the mall shoplifting Abercrombie & Fitch rugby shirts and offending innocent mall walkers? Although, I'm gonna call shenanigans on "food" being what teens are spending their money on when the most popular "restaurant" referenced here is Starbucks. GOD, YOU YOUNG PEOPLE ARE FUCKING TERRIBLE. I DON'T EVEN DRINK THAT MUCH COFFEE AND I HAVE ZERO ENERGY FOR LIFE ANYMORE BECAUSE IT’S BEEN SUCKED OUT OF ME BY HORRIBLE BOSSES AND THE STARTLING REALITY THAT I'LL NEVER AMOUNT TO ANYTHING AND THAT LIFE ISN'T REALLY WHAT I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE AND, UNLIKE THE KARATE KID, YOU WON'T MEET A KINDLY JAPANESE MAN WHO WILL GUIDE YOU THROUGH LIFE AND KARATE. Seriously, what the fuck are teenagers doing in Starbucks? GO SKATEBOARD OR SMOKE CLOVES WHILE STANDING IN FRONT OF BRICK WALLS AND SHIT.

Also, really, HuffPo? Really? Budweiser should put more energy into expanding their target audience to teens? FIRST OFF, THAT'S NOT EVEN TECHNICALLY LEGAL. Also, teens ain't drinking Budweiser these days. With their access to smart phones and cryptocurrencies, they're probably doing insano drugs that we can't even comprehend how to ingest. Fucking teenagers, man, fucking teenagers.