As seen on: Defeated old men; embarrassing parents; purveyors of unfrequented eHarmony accounts

Like wearing raggedy sweatpants to Outback Steakhouse, sporting hole-ridden rubber clogs communicates a defeatist message to the world. Crocs are the Tim Tebow of shoes, which is to say extraordinarily cheesy and only appreciated by guys with a first-rate strategic knowledge of fantasy football. If you're facing weighty criminal charges and need a viable plea of insanity, wear a pair of Duck Commander Realtree Clogs to court.