Well, well, well. I don’t know how you did it, but somehow you’ve found yourself dating a siren with a closet full of suits she had made on Savile Row and a mind full of stuff like, “It was pretty chill to design that New Balance with Sky Ferreira for our limited edition Etsy collection.”

You’re feeling grossly inadequate: She’s like a 9 or 10, your friends tell you, and you think you’re a 5 or 6. Add those together and subtract 2 for the winter and add one because math, and you get a number! (That’s what you’re supposed to do with those “scale of 1 to 10” rankings, right?) And that number means insecurity! Instability! And the ghoulish possibility of romantic insurrection! To quell your fears, here’s our guide to keeping that woman you’ve sensationally landed.

Rachel Seville is a writer living in New York who believes in miracles. Read her blog, Pizza Rulez, here and follow her on Twitter here.