Cottonopolis came through with the "Swiss Army" shirt. At first I thought they called it a Swiss Army shirt because it was based on some archival photo of Swiss soldiers, but I think they call it that because of all the fucking pockets and other features they crammed into one shirt like it was the last shirt they were ever gonna wear or some shit. Count 'em: half placket, eleventy pockets, handwarmer, back vent, et cetera. Could you imagine if you got stopped and frisked wearing this shirt? GO AHEAD, COPPER. CLEARLY I KEEP ALL MY DRUGS NEAR MY BALLS OR IN MY ASS CRACK. THESE POCKETS ARE JUST TO FRUSTRATE NYC’S DRACONIAN LAWS. That last line might have been a bit far, huh? ALL THOUGHTS AND VIEWS ARE MINE AND NOT MY EMPLOYER's. I love when people have that shit in their Twitter bio. YOU AIN'T THAT IMPORTANT, MY DUDE.

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