Team: Pittsburgh Steelers
Dresses like: Someone who has been twice accused of rape 

Ben Roethlisberger dresses like the lowest rated private investigator on Angie's List. This dude is a cross between Detective Sipowicz and Triple H, only with a more pervasive glandular problem. We can't tell if this is a 2x Super Bowl champion or Shrek after doing three years in Rikers Island for lifting copper wire.  We’d continue ripping this clown, but he rolls with Brett Kiesel and that freak could rip every 145-pound chain-smoking writer at Complex into 1000 pieces. So we’re going to let this one sit, for now.