I’m not even going to make the obvious joke about Michael Jackson recording a song called “In the Closet”. Instead, I’m going to walk you through the concept for this six minute long video. We open with a voiceover from Princess Stephanie of Monaco (???), the MJ and Naomi Campbell go to a sepia-toned desert, stand in front of what looks to be a recreation of the Alamo and writhe around. A shot of them cavorting on top of some sort of spinning apparatus is partially blocked by a cow. Naomi lingers near Jackson’s crotch in relief, while MJ shows off his hairless underarms. MJ reverse humps a wall. Naomi regular humps a piece of wood that 100% has a shit ton of splinters. Not turned off yet? How about Jackson singing this stanza: “Just promise me whatever we say or do to each other for now we'll make a vow to just keep it in the closet.” How about we keep it behind bars for 25 to life? Mamase, mamasa, make my skin crawl!