The Wall Street Journal is my manna from heaven. They just posted an article featuring the office stylings of Pitchfork. AYO PITCHFORK, THE FIRST RULE OF NOT GETTING YOUR FACE SLANDERED IS YOU DON’T LET PEOPLE SEE MAD PICTURES OF YOU LOOKING AWKWARD PEPPERED WITH QUOTES LIKE, “I WOULD LOVE TO WEAR A SUIT EVERY DAY IF I COULD, BUT IT WOULD LOOK AWKWARD.” You are a music critic. Your whole life is probably awkward. Wearing a suit isn't going to change shit.

I have to admit something, I never really read Pitchfork. I just always heard people talking about it and I got so good at pretending I had seen something on Pitchfork that I never had to look at it. Then I got an email from the boss telling me to check this out. So, I peeped a few Pitchfork reviews for "research purposes" and was fucking overwhelmed. WE DON’T NEED FIVE PARAGRAPH ESSAYS ON MAC MILLER, PITCHFORK. EVER. ALSO, WHO THE FUCK IS MAC MILLER? Pitchfork  staffers, I salute you on your sheer mastery of production. If I had to write reviews this involved I’d file one a year, maybe. You guys must be walking thesauruses (thesauri?). Alright, let's dive into my highly-respected by white people review of Pitchfork’s office style.