As we all know, doing things online is like doing things in person, only better because you control everything and can lie. It’s like being a CEO. This means youngsters across the United States are becoming increasingly comfortable heading online to find that romance they’re so rapacious for. But how do you craft a profile that wins a heart before a woman even knows how you dress?

Though many people use that French site J’Date, the grandaddy of all online youth dating sites is OkCupid. The key is finding that sweet spot between taking it seriously and being that weird computer guy—a place where you’re so wonderfully funny and charming that women are clawing at their computer screen like, “GIMME THIS DANGER.”

“But Rachel,” you say, “isn’t it important to be earnest?” Um, hi, there’s a reason Oscar Wilde is no longer living. So come along with me, as I help you create a profile so perfect women will be putting socks on just to have them knocked off.

Rachel Seville is a writer living in New York who believes in miracles. Read her blog, Pizza Rulez, here and follow her on Twitter here.