The Four Pins Guide To Having The Dankest 4/20 Ever, Brah

Image via Complex Original

Wake ‘N Bake, Brah

Not overdoing the wake ‘n bake is key. Fucking this up could derail your entire day. Keep it simple with a personal bowl. Glass pipe. Nothing crazy. Make a list of important shit BEFORE YOU SMOKE. You laugh now, but it sucks waking up at 7pm with an empty bag of family size Marshmallow Matey’s on your chest when your friends call to tell you about the awesome day they had without you.

Yoga Sesh, Brah

People who neg on yoga are people who have never done yoga “on weeeed.” Seriously, stoned yoga is like that semi-orgasmic feeling of a morning yawn-stretch multiplied and spread throughout your entire body. I’m not saying go to some yuppie yoga mom class, not that organic yoga mom Lulu-booty is a bad thing, but you can save that for Wednesday nights. Just use the five poses you learned from your homie that went to yoga instructor school, but left when it turned out to be a cult, and take 20 minutes to get your energy balanced and your breathing in rhythm. The rest of the day will thank you. Optional step: Post-yoga, pre-brunch blunt. And yes, that means your next maneuver is…

Brunch Sesh, Brah

Fuck a brunch hater. Don’t they know it’s all about consuming delicious fats and getting drunk in the morning? Assemble your crew and hit up the least douchey brunch spot in your city, crush a few pints of grapefruit juice mimosas and enjoy some eggs bene with a side of bacon with a side of biscuits and gravy with a side of pancakes. Bonus points if you can con someone else into picking up the bill. “Thanks, I’ll get it next time, man, for sure” aka never because you won't remember this shit even happened.

Ultimate Fris Sesh, Brah

Remember playing ultimate Frisbee in college, shirtless on the quad, drinking beer from a Nalgene? (We didn’t have a “quad” where I went to school. I don’t even know what that means, but it sounds official.) The point is, you probably haven’t played ultimate in years. I hadn’t until a few weeks ago, pleasantly blunted at the beach and it was fantastic. You jog back and forth, throw and catch a plastic disc, then quit after 20 minutes when everybody’s out of breath because you’re not 19 anymore, except for that asshole who actually is 19. Who invited that show-off? The best part is, you exercised early, so later when you’re eating six weeks worth of calories, you can be like, “It’s all good, I exercised already.” Oh shit, and you just built up an appetite, so…

Record Your Own Sonic Commercial

You know those Sonic Drive-In commercials with the dudes sitting in the car that your dad thinks are hilarious? Well, what better time than 4/20 to make your own? Prop the iPhone on the dash, try to think up some funny burger-related banter, but just end up laughing for five minutes straight and then spilling a drink all over your shirt. The commercials aren’t even the best thing about Sonic, though—indulging in the spectacle that is suburbia is what it's all about. Get hella nostalgic. Smoke a blunt in the car. Blast your favorite radio station, while your one super paranoid friend keeps thinking the cops are right behind you, then wait for a girl on roller skates to bring you a 44-ounce limeade and cheesy tots. Heaven is a place on earth.

Adult Nap Time

I was gonna suggest an “afternoon delight,” but then I remembered the kind of dudes who actually read this site. A nap seems more likely. When you get old, you start to value naps and that’s nothing to be ashamed of. Steve Nash is all about naps and he used to be a world-class athlete. If you’re restless, do something else chill to recharge your batteries. Try to beat Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater with one character in under an hour. Make sure to stop after beating it once. (Just like mom used to say! Zing!) Much like this very section of this very article, the afternoon time is simply filler. Do with it what you will, make sure to re-up your high and get prepped for…

Mexican Food, Finally

Nothing in the world is better than being stoned and eating Mexican food. Nothing. Reassemble the members of your crew who haven’t fallen asleep and hit your favorite taqueria, preferably one that serves margaritas in pint glasses. No fancy shit. If the table isn’t a Pollack-esque mess of spilled salsa, cheese and beans by then end, you did it wrong. Optional indulgence: Post-dinner spliff, which is like when smokers have a satisfying cigarette after dinner, but because there’s weed in it, there’s actually a purpose.

Nostalgia-rific House Party

It’s 4/20, so your stoner-iest friends are definitely having a house party. All day you’ve been mature—not letting yourself get too blazed to function—but now it’s time to finally get game over zombie stoned. Don’t worry, drinking a bunch of beer will keep you from sinking into a paranoid agoraphobic nightmare. Science has proved it. Take a hit from the giant quadruple perc bong and just vibe. Friends you haven’t seen for years are there. They used to be straight-laced A-students, but now they have dreadlocks and wear ponchos year-round and you’re not even mad at 'em. Actually, a year-round poncho sounds like it might be the move. Your stoner friends’ crib is a 4/20 amusement park. There’s a giant TV with every video game system ever. There’s a blacklight dance party room. Pool. Pinball. Ping-pong. You have a killer freestyle cypher in the room of the dude who, inevitably, has a bunch of beat making studio equipment. You could pass out, but no, the day isn’t over yet. (Well, technically it is, but you’re not in bed.) Grab the bros…

Video Juegos And Pizza Sesh, Brah

Order a pizza right as you get in the car to go home (PSA: In fantastical Four Pins-endorsed holidays, nobody drives drunk. One of your friends smoked but didn’t drink, so it’s all good.) You invite the pizza guy in to smoke and he gladly accepts because he had to deliver fucking pizzas all day and you need a fourth person for a legit game of Smash Bros anyway. Then Goldeneye. Then you have to drop a couple hints for him to finally leave because you’re now too gone to manage the N64 and you just want to wind down with…

A Psychedelic And/Or Quirky Comedy

If you’re lazy, skip the previous steps and just fast-forward to the finale of smoking and throwing on one of your go-to high flicks. There are several routes to pursue, which will ultimately be decided by the collective chi of whoever else is with you will determine. Survey they room’s energy. Let it guide you. Your first instinct is Incubus: Alive at Redrocks, but you open the case and the DVD is missing (fucking Logan, what a dick, never let that guy borrow anything again). If you feel like getting contemplative and emotionally unsettled, pull out some Aranofsky, but it’s late and there’s no way you’re staying up longer than 86 minutes MAX. Instead, opt for a classic, THC-centered film. Half Baked (duh) is always a good choice, but Grandma’s Boy is underrated. Nobody fucks with a lion and it’s not 4/20 unless dudes fall asleep on your couch watching a movie. In the morning, tell their lazy asses to get the fuck outta your house. It’s Sunday and you’ve got shit to do.