What Your Menswear Accessories Say About You

Image via Complex Original

You either old and Italian, or a poseur who learned this from tumblr.

You bought them to avoid looking like a hypebeast, but they make you look like even more of a hypebeast.

You are the type of person who pretends to talk on the phone and strikes a pose in the peripheral vision of street style photographers.

You are headed to an important event... to serve hors d'oeuvres.

You actually think you're stylish, but people call you a douchebag behind your back.

You are one of those temperature-sensitive people that complains about it being too cold and then all of a sudden about it being too hot. What is up with your body, menopause?

You don't really have a job, but out of vanity, you want other people to think you do—even though no employed person has actually used a briefcase since 1963.

You are ashamed of your trust fund so you place your Rolex Submariner on a strap you bought from J. Crew in a feeble attempt to identify with the common people.

You are so uptight, you need something to keep your already-tied tie in place. Despite the repetitive accessory, it makes you feel secure knowing your four-in-hand is always where you want it. Also, even though you're no longer four years old, you still insist that none of the different foods on your plate can touch each other, because then they become "icky."

You are the kind of person who went to "xHARDCOREx" shows all the time and collected wristbands for every shitty show you went to. You stopped listening to Taking Back Sunday after you got laid for the first time and now fawn over unstructured sportcoats instead of Dashboard Confessional lyrics.