I know not everyone likes Birkenstocks, but my fallen arches say fuck you and your sensibilities if you're not down with the ill footwear amenities. It’s not like I’m gonna wear them with a suit so relax. I'm gonna wear them with everything else. And I’ll sleep in and eat breakfast mad late on weekends. Some people call that brunch, but really, it's grown man hibernation. EGGS OVER EASY, SHOES OVER CORK MIDSOLES. Shoutout to Oi Polloi for including the obligatory wigwam socks addition and acid-rambling reference.

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