Ever wonder what New York City is like? And we mean the real New York City, not the awful and/or awe-inspiring New York City you see on television or in movies. Well, it's all a little hard to describe for us native New Yorkers since we've been tainted, jaded and faded. Instead, why not take heed from an outsider? Specifically, our friend Pauly C., whose recent observations are eerily accurate.
All the cool looking females here smokin the shit outta cigarettes.
Pauly is a D.C. native and a recent college graduate who we sort of just stumbled across surfing the dense waves of the world wide web. Now, we can't even remember what life was like before we starting delving into the holy scriptures known as netscapeshawty. With his self-described goals of being "the guy you see on du rag packages or to come up in corporate America, whatever come 1st," this is a guy you should have on your internet radar (i.e. follow his Twitter or Tumblr) because dude is absolutely hilarious. Here's what he told us about his trip to New York City last weekend—in Pauly's true, unadulterated form (ok fine we added capitalization and periods and some asterisks and hyperlinks for posterity's sake) with absolutely no regard for human decency or grammar, of course, which is why we fell in love with him in the first place:
"New jersey from what I seen on the road kinda look like the terminator planet from the last terminator movie (was that earth? iono). If you travel via plane please visit whatever terminal does the african flights cuz the outfits are immaculate. All that floral y'all into, africans been on that. Hipsters really do dress like africans. JFK airport is a travesty. id rather take a model t car to my destination. They serve mcdonalds breakfast here past 10:30 this place heaven.
"I seen the givenchy shirt waka flock was modeling. I seen it in real life. Real life people really do wear it. It look like a chinese food vegetable side order. In times square i seen a white guy wearing baggy girbuad jeans like 2006 and he was aggressively recording videos of homeless ppl. Everybody in soho got the same menswear ass hair cut iono how to explain white ppl hair but if u been on tumblr for 10 minutes u seen it.
I heard yung joc 'its going down' at least twice I was less than upset.
"All the cool looking females here smokin the shit outta cigarettes. Every store plays euro techno type shit. New yorkers dress like the matrix. New york n***a of the year runner up: guy had a grass field on the roof of a tall building. he was up there frolicking by himself. New york n***a of the year: guy wearing camo tall tee, camo capris and space jams, i wanted to shake his hands (i have photographic evidence) [Editor's note: just check out the lead image].
"Hood n***s in ny will listen to drake when the mood is right (stuck on FDR in traffic). This was the first time i went to NY in the summer and its like the women knew that cuz they came to play. The apple store looked like purgatory I refused to enter. Uniqlo was playing some type of od rad japanese techno and i asked the employee where i could cop a uniqlo kimono (?) at. I heard yung joc 'its going down' at least twice I was less than upset. A guy getting out of car while in traffic to cop a hot dog then return to his car and didn't even move an inch was the most discouraging thing i seen in awhile."