The Gratuitous Self-Portrait Taker
He fears the shadows. They fuck up his shots. See him in the daylight hours, strolling around SoHo with a tote bag filled with exactly the right amount of Japanese men's magazines to give it an artful heft. His pants have never met his ankles. He has two dogs named Aperture and F-Stop, and yes — they too are photogenic. He has no idea what a zit is and if you ask him about acne he'll think you're talking about the clothing brand. See him at all the hottest parties, beasting all the food between snapping photos with Theophilus London and Jeremy Renner. Oh, you didn't get an invite? Don't worry. Wait for the post. There is no sleep for him tonight. There are photos to upload. There are selects to make. There are new angles for him to discover that perfectly accentuate his jawline.