Image via Complex Original
My dad was recently shopping for a used car, and all I could think about was the lists of the worst cars we found on eBay. There are so many landmines out there, just waiting to be stepped on. Luckily, he knows what he's doing, so I didn't have to worry about too much. He bought a 2002 Jeep Wrangler, for the record. Anyway, as I was helping him search for some vehicles, I naturally came across some hideous listings that just make me wonder, WTF, MATE?! Take a look at what I found in The 25 Worst Cars for Sale on eBay Right Now.
Related: The 15 Weirdest Car Ads on Craigslist Right Now
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1973 Plymouth 340 Cuda Barracuda body parts car
Location: Sorrento, LA
Current Bid: $200
Whenver we see a phrase like "the rear subframes I think are mostly good," we run away as fast as we can. If we're buying something strictly for parts, we want to at least make sure those parts are solid. And if the seller can't even tell us that, it's nowhere near worth it.
2008 Ford Crown Victoria TAXI CAB
Location: Clinton Corners, NY
Current Bid: $1,450
People vomit in taxis. People poop in taxis. People perform weird sexual acts in taxis. Still want to buy this taxi? On eBay nonetheless?
1996 Ford F-250
Location: Attica, IN
Current Bid: $7,000
There's nothing wrong with this vehicle, we just wanted to highlight how DUMB this poster is. Every picture is upside down. Nobody wants an F-250 badly enough to look like an idiot by turning their heads around.
1998 Lincoln Navigator
Location: Muskogee, OK
Current Bid: $1,500
This Navigator has a smashed-in front end, its posting doesn't have any information about how the accident actually happened, it doesn't specify the damage, and it has 263,879 miles. Terrible, terrible, terrible deal.
2003 Saturn Vue Sport Utility Parts Vehicle NO TRANSMISSION Good Engine
Location: Staten Island, NY
Current Bid: $1,200
A Saturn Vue project car, just what we've dreamt of since we were little kids. You didn't have a Vue poster on your wall, dude? Tht'as weird.
1995 Mazda RX-7 Base
Location: Cleveland, TN
Current Bid: $400
The seller already took a bunch of the parts off this absolutely destroyed RX-7. We don't know about you, but we're not one for sloppy seconds. We're also not for buying vehicles that don't have titles.
1976 Mercedes-Benz 400-Series 450sl rebuilt engine
Location: Petersburg, VA
Current Bid: $5,000
We once had a friend that kept an old Saab in his garage so long that it became a shelf for all the other shit he was keepin in the garage. The car never ran again. This situation looks all too similar.
1985 Ford E-Series Van
Location: Toms River, NJ
Current Bid: $565
Yes, this was on one of our lists before, and SHOCKER, it's still on sale! Wow! We wonder why? There's no way that dragon is scaring away customers. Hell, maybe if we keep putting it on this list, somebody that loves this kind of shit will actually see it. Consider it our gift to you, Mr. dragon van man.
1967 Ford Mustang C Code
Location: Clinton Township, MI
Current Bid: $2,900
There are project cars, and then there impossibilities. You should be looking for something that provides a feasable reality.
1959 Isetta 300 Convertible Project
Location: Newark, NJ
Current Bid: $111.33
Ever seen one of those dogs that has no rear legs and has to drag its body along with those little rollers attached to the back? That's what this car reminds us of.
2004 Nissan Xterra
Location: Toms River, NJ
Current Bid: $455
This is a Sandy car. And not the good Sandy from Grease, we're talking abou the hurricane. Who in the world is going to want to save a Nissan Xterra that's water damaged?
1958 Ford Ranchero
Location: Morrisville, PA
Current Bid: $1,000
This seller says that this was originally going to be a complete rebuilt but illness left it incomplete. And that might be the understatement of the century. There's no motor, there's no transmission, the radiator is in the bed, the bed is splitting off from frame, and just about every other possible thing that could be broken and rusted is broken and rusted.
1997 Chevrolet Cavalier LS
Location: Green Bay, WI
Current Bid: $4,000
Lies. That's not a Cavalier. A Cavalier is a cheap Chevy that you can buy for a couple thousand dollars and that will be compeltely ignored by everybody. This is a monstrosity everybody is going to stare at for all the wrong reasons.
1977 Chevrolet Corvette Stingray
Location: Eugene, OR
Current Bid: $4,550
The seller describes this as a transformer, a batmobile, and Johnny 5. All we want is a Corvette, which this is not.
1975 Ford F-250 4x4 Highboy
Location: Ellsworth, KS
Current Bid: $2,500
The description for this car discusses the fact that he had big dreams for this project, but could never find the pieces necessary to make it happen. That doesn't bode well for a future buyer. It's actually a good base, but what's the point of getting something that you will probably never be able to finish?
Custom 1948 Chevy Pickup "One of a Kind Custom" Turn-key Hotrod truck B4 SSR!
Location: Bakersfield, CA
Current Bid: $55,000
Who would ever want a car that looks like a constipated wale?
2000 Chevrolet C/K Pickup 1500
Location: Dallas, TX
Current Bid: $25,000
We guess for somebody who REALLY wanted to be sporty, but still really needed a truck, this could work, but the Corvette is not something we take lightly. That's a car you're not supposed to fuck with like this.
1987 Chevrolet Astro
Location: Fort Washington, MD
Current Bid: $6,000
Most of the time, if a dude is driving a van, they're trying to just keep to his own, mind his business. This looks like something that might show up in an Animaniacs episode.
1992 ELECTRIC MAZDA MX3 CUSTOM BUILT
Location: Nashua, NH
Current Bid: $1,025
People have already found a ton of problems with electric vehicles that are built by major car manufacturers. You trust an EV that was custom built in a home garage? And put in a '92 Mazda, nonetheless? Pass.
1948 Willys JEEPSTER CUSTOM
Location: Fenton, MO
Current Bid: $54,900
The overall vehicle itself is beautiful. Weird, but nicely built. Here's out issue with it: If you buy this, you are going to answer the question, "so you built this?" every single time you drive it. It's embarrassing to have to say, "oh, well, I actually just bought it on eBay, sooo ..."
2009 Porsche Cayman
Location: Sun Valley, CA
Current Bid: $9,499.99
Sure, the car is really cheap right now, but trust us, the amount of money it'll cost you to bring this back to tip top shape isn't going to be worth it.
1985 Pontiac Fiero GT
Location: Lexington, SC
Current Bid: $3,000
Is buying a Fiero ever really a good idea?
1991 Chevrolet Caprice
Location: Lehigh Acres, FL
Current Bid: $2,500
Real nice, you watch Kobe tear his achilles, then you do him dirty like this? Just selling his car like that? C'mon, son.
1974 Volkswagen Beetle - Classic
Location: Boonville, NC
Current Bid: $14,000
"CUSTOMIZED TO BECOME THE CUTEST BUG EVER ... WHO EVER REBUILT / RESTORED THIS VW IS REALLY GOOD ... THIS BUG IS MORE FUN THAN A BARRELL OF MONKIES !!!" Those are the overhyped words of the seller in this post, and it frightens us for several reasons. Why don't you know who the builder was? It sounds like this car just showed up on your doorstep one day. Also, who really thinks a barrel of monkies is fun? I'm not talking about the toy, I'm talking about a real barrel of monkies. There's no way that woulnd't lead to trouble.
1994 Chevrolet Caprice
Location: Chicago, IL
Current Bid: $25,000
Oh ... oh, GOD. So. Much. Yellow. Excuse us, pearl yellow. We just can't deal with this much of one bright color, regardless of whether the owner actually spent more than $80K on it or not.