12 Horrible Things That Will Happen If You Don't Properly Take Care of Your Car

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...your engine will lose power, run really roughly, and eventually die, leaving you stranded on a desert highway with no reception and nothing but angry scorpions and disgruntled rattlesnakes to help you.

It's pretty simple. Just change your oil at the manufacturer-recommended intervals, or when your dipstick/onboard computer shows that said oil has gotten too nasty. If you're not willing to do it yourself (and you should be, because it's easy), just get a local shop to do it. It's still not that expensive.

...you'll be single.

Chicks don't dig slobs, so clean that car every now and then.

...you'll never have a chance to flush it again, assuming you have an automatic transmission. No really, with the complexity of automatic transmissions, a lot of good mechanics will tell you not to flush your fluid if you've waited too long, as that can cause problems. It's better to just sit back and hope that your transmission makes it.

You know the drill: Check your manual and follow the simple instructions.

...your engine will get starved of air and run rich, meaning that it doesn't have enough oxygen for the amount of gas in the combustion chamber. This will cause your engine to start running very roughly, lose power, and be rather inefficient. Eventually, it may stop running all together, but you'd have to wait a really long time for that to happen. You'll spend too much money on gas, and when you're really hungry late one night, you'll get some Chipotle and all will seem to be well. In reality, you just incurred a $35 overdraft charge, which will itself incur a $35 overdraft charge, thus proving once again that Satan completely redesigned hell after seeing how Chase bank treats its customers.

Check the filter every time you change your oil, and if it's nasty, put a different one in there. Easy.

...airflow will be impeded to your HVAC system and your car will smell musty. On a summer night you'll finally be headed to a date with that dime from the office next to you, who you always run into at the Chipotle where you got slammed with overdraft fees, and your A/C won't do much of anything. By the time you get to the spot where you planned to meet up, you'll be dripping in sweat and smell of last summer's decaying beetles that got stuck in your filter. From that day onward, she'll never respond to one of your texts or visit Chipotle.

Your manual probably suggests replacing this every 12,000 to 15,000 miles. Do it.

...you'll go to pick up your girlfriend's parents and your car will smell strongly of the three week old, half-eaten Chipotle burrito your slobbish friend left in the back seat when you got slammed with overdraft charges.

Keep an eye on your friends, especially the ones with nasy apartments.

...the paint on your car will be covered in a thin layer of grit and grime, meaning that when anything at all rubs against it it will leave hundreds of tiny scratches, and hard objects will have an easier time leaving large scratches. Over time, your car's paint will get dull and ugly looking. In the short term, you'll just look like a lazy slob.

It's best to do this by hand, but it's way better to go through a drive through car wash than to never do it at all.

...you'll hear a horrible screeching sound, then a tree will approach you much faster than you'd like, then you'll make a horrible screeching sound, then a government employee will clean you up.

You can take the cheap route with most things car related, but never skimp on your brakes. Get them serviced properly, and make sure there's always plenty of pad on that rotor.

...all we be going great until you miss an interview for a $400,000 job because your car won't start and your high school nemesis gets it in your stead.

If your battery is getting close to being five years old, you need to swap it out. Once it's about three years old you should test it every now and then.

...you'll hear a horrible screeching sound, then a tree will approach you much faster than you'd like, then you'll make a horrible screeching sound, then a government employee will clean you up.

Tires are the single most important part of your car, since they are the only part of your car that acts upon the road. Buy good tires, and replace them when it's time, not after it's time.

...you'll be damn near blind when driving at night, fail to notice an otherwise obvious road hazard, and drive off a cliff into the Pacific ocean.

There are a variety of cleaning products for headlamps on the market. If you notice that your are getting yellowed and useless, use one of them.

...you'll get some nasty crap of some sort (grease/bugs/bird crap) on your window and you won't be able to do anything other than smear it around, further impeding your view. As you focus more on the nasty crap and can see less of the road, you'll run over some kid's dog/cat/imaginary friend/grandmother. You'll feel guilty for the rest of your life, which will be cut short when said kid breaks into your home in a Guy Fawkes mask and kills you.

All this could have been prevented by simply pouring the contents of a cheap jug into a resevoir that's clearly marked under your hood.