How To Get Your Girl To Watch The NBA Playoffs With You

Image via Complex Original

No, we're not suggesting you go all En Vogue on her; We're saying you school her on the mechanics of the game. The real reason we cannot enjoy basketball is because we don't fully comprehend what's going on. I don't want to generalize and say all women or even most women are as NBA ignorant as I am (because that's entirely untrue, my two closest female friends are rabid fans) but I can assume that if you're here, your girlfriend is not in the latter, and is in the same camp of sadly lacking sports knowledge that I am, i.e, she thinks a pick and roll sounds like a delicious hors d'oeuvre. (Pickin' roll? Is that a spring roll made with pork?)

It's not that we don't enjoy sports. It's just difficult to enjoy anything you don't entirely understand. Most men have been raised to be able to rattle off Kobe's stats; It's an unspoken social expectation that you understand the inner-working of the game. For most women, that's not the case. Many of us are in the dark about finer points of the game, and too embarrassed to ask about the simple things we think we should already know (but don't). Hell, we have egos too, and we'll be damned if we look like the dumb girl who knows nothing about sports, especially among your friends. 

A good way to eliminate her b-ball inferiority complex is to give her an "NBA Playoffs For Dummies" tutorial. Don't belittle her, just give her a sincere, passionate lesson on the ins-and-outs of the game and how it's played, Make in an interactive learning experience, complete with YouTube videos and thought-provoking lists that will leave her feeling like she not only understands the game and its key characters, but actually has her own opinion on it. And the best part? It was you who gave this newly-created NBA fan life! Kinda makes you feel like Dr. Frankenstein, doesn't it?

Once you've schooled her on the rules of the game, pick up a ball and take her to a local court on a sunny Saturday afternoon and let her get her dribble on. If she's like me, her prior b-ball experience may not extend beyond playing H.O.R.S.E., so show her a few tricks. In the end, she'll enjoy the game even more having got some hands-on experience, and you'll get to attempt a few inappropriate fouls on the court. Everybody wins!

Don't underestimate the power of atmosphere. If you usually try to rope her into sitting on the couch with you while you're rocking sweatpants, taking back bottles Miller High Life by the dozen, and eating bagel bites, she's probably not too enthused on joining in your lame game routine. 

But if you, you know, put on pants and actually take her to sleek sports bar serving speciality cocktails, whose menu isn't limited to frozen-then-fried foods, she might actually enjoy the experience. You can revel in the unrivaled experience of watching the game from 30 different angles, and she might even be able to muster up some enthusiasm for the game after a few margaritas. "OMG, Basketball is amazingggg!" she'll cry, before drunkenly falling off her chair. Now that's a sports fan.

Have you ever been in a conversation and felt totally out of your depths, to the point you were forced to sit on the sideline rather than actually participate? Maybe the people in question were far more well-versed in politics, literature or pop culture that you were, and you had nothing to add, so you chose to play the silent card. 

The feeling you had, when you were silently counting down the nanoseconds until the Nabokov references came to an end is exactly how she feels when she's watching two teams duke it out on the court. She has nothing to offer in terms of game analysis, so she's uncomfortable and silent, making for a not-so-enthralling playoff experience. 

The solution? Clue her into the conversation and the key players on the tip of everyone's tongue before you head out to the party or the bar. If she didn't know about the Spurs recent seven-week streak, she couldn't really get excited about Oklahoma nabbing the win, could she? Clue her into the surrounding circumstances of each game going in, and she'll get swept up in the natural drama of the game just like you do. 

There was a single season of sports I was truly, wildly wrapped up in. I was dating a huge Colts fan at the time and it was the NFL's 2006 season (a great season to be a Colts fan). It wasn't his devotion to the team that got me caught up in the season, it was his avid sports betting, which he explained to me in serious depth. Two months into the season, I was well-versed enough in the over/under and the spread to be a bookie, and more hyped on the game than I'd ever been before (or ever would be). 

The lesson learned here? Get your girl (literally) invested in the game by putting her in a few pools or making a friendly wager with her at the bar where the loser buys the round. If you're watching the game at home, you might want to raise the stakes a little higher and make it an elaborate game of strip basketball where dunks and three-pointers equate to varying degrees of dwindling clothing. KInda gives new meaning to "Everybody wins", doesn't it?

Please, don't whip out the spray tanner. We're talking about outfitting her for the occasion. Women are fashion-motivated, so producing a personalized jersey prior to the playoff game might entice her to muster some new-found fanaticism.

Plus, have you seen the way women look in snug, shrunken jerseys? The investment is undoubtedly a gift that will keep on giving, and may even inspire some fresh fascination with your newly-minted fan girl.

Rather than urging her to be a front-runner (because that's lame), bring her up to speed on key teams and players, and let her form her own opinion. Maybe assist her decision-making by mentioning the insatiable monster that is LeBron's ego, but other than a few well-meaning nudges in the right direction, let her decide who she'll be rooting for. Having arrived at her devotion by her own means, she'll feel like she's a true fan, rather than just regurgitating her boyfriend's opinions.

Watching a game on TV could never compare to the actual experience of being there. Even curling seems exciting when you're watching in person (I can't personally attest to that, but humor me here). Cough up a little cash, and splurge on taking her to actual game, and we guarantee she'll get caught up in the excitement and be screaming in the stands, no matter where your seats are. 

If you have money to blow, you could even use the game as an excuse to take an impromptu weekend trip to Boston or Miami together. Take a cue from Kanye and use the game as opportunity to show her some action on and off the court. 

Take Beyoncé's advice and cater to your lady as a creative way to inspire enthusiasm for the game. Woo your lady into being an NBA fanatic with a team-inspired home cooked meal (Think Tex-Mex when the Spurs are on deck or Latin grub when Heat takes the court) and a well-stocked supply of her favorite cocktails. 

Make the playoff game a party for two where your the host with the most (instead of you lazily screaming for sustenance from the couch, replace "HEY HUN, THE DORRITOS!" with "Darling, here's your freshly made Mofongo and a martini." Her ambivalence towards game night will change to enthusiasm faster than you can fetch her a fresh drink, believe that.

When all efforts to elicit a little excitement towards your beloved playoff games fail miserably, there is only one option left—a trade-off.

You know that one thing you wouldn't be caught dead doing with her—it might be yoga, shopping or going to a ballet—suck up your reservations, because you'll be doing it in exchange for her undivided attention when Dwyane Wade gets his dunk on. 

Whether it's worth it to suffer through her trying on a dozen dresses is ultimatley your call, but if you lead a her to the shimmering water that is the NBA's pivotal point of the season, and she doesn't want to drink, maybe you're just better off enjoying the water  game by yourself. Revel in your alone time; Her lack of interest might just be a blessing in disguise.