On Tuesday, Bleacher Report published an in-depth profile about ex-NFL running back Jamal Lewis, who (if you're old enough) you may remember as the 2003 AP Offensive Player of the Year after a season in which he racked up over 2,000 yards on the ground for the Ravens.
In a narrative that's become popular since the public has grappled with the long-term effects of concussions, the lengthy write-up is about the dark side of Lewis' post-NFL life. In it, Jamal talks about how he has considered suicide, saying "You just have those thoughts about should you end it? I can only imagine with sleep apnea and heart attacks and heart disease. Who wants to go out like that? Especially when you have people upset with you—your wife upset with you, pissed off, you have to file bankruptcy, made bad decisions…"
He also talks about the effects that his battering ram-style had on his physical health, as he deviated his septum (without even realizing it) and has lost his sense of smell. He also has memory loss (possibly CTE), light sensitivity, and frequent throbbing headaches. As of now he has no other aches and pains, so in relation to other former players it could actually be worse.
Lewis also says he's had his quest for disability denied by the NFL three times, which he suspects may have something to do with putting his name on the concussion lawsuit filed against the league by ex-players. In a(nother) narrative that is also super common, Lewis said that despite his current quality of life he still wouldn't change the bruising and punishing way that he played.