Even if you're a diehard NBA fan, the name Matt Bonner probably doesn't mean a whole lot to you. Best known for his time with the San Antonio Spurs, "Red Mamba" (yes, that's a real thing) was a career role-player who played professionally for 12 seasons. Bonner was a good standstill shooter, hitting 41.4 percent of his attempts from three, but nobody expected a big send-off for a player who scored less than six points per game.

Nobody, that is, except for Matt Bonner. The New Hampshire native turned the cheese factor up to 11 in this homemade video meant to celebrate his retirement.

From the empty auditorium to the shot of him freezing mid-air before he can complete a dunk, this has it all. The aesthetic is ripped straight from a public-access channel or one of those awful local commercials for your local car dealer, and it's delightfully over-the-top.

Bonner was clearly thinking about this for a while. Without the burden of being a key figure for the Spurs, Bonner surely had plenty of time during his career to develop a healthy amount of self-depreciating humor. You could speculate that trait was a reason he stuck around so long; Bonner understood his place in the NBA hierarchy, and was happy to serve in the small role he was afforded.

The last year has seen a number of notable retirements around the league. Bonner's former teammate, Tim Duncan, walked into the sunset with little bluster, preferring to use a simple press release to hang 'em up. Nobody will forget Kobe Bryant's retirement tour (or his final 60-point game!) for a long time, and Kevin Garnett's Instagram farewell was fitting for the loud, in-your-face big man.

Hopefully more players choose to have some fun with their retirement announcements moving forward. We wish Bonner all the best in his future endeavors, and this should leave him more time to chase his true passion: eating sandwiches

Send all complaints, compliments, and tips to sportstips@complex.com.