The 2016-17 NBA Suicide Squad

Image via Complex Original

Strength: Thinks he’s funny.

Weakness: Isn’t funny.

Credentials: All fart jokes aside, Howard is still a pretty good basketball player. Unfortunately, he had a very public fallout with James Harden in Houston, spent several months trying to repair his image by doing one interview after another including a candid appearance on Inside the NBA. Now he’s landed in Atlanta as Al Horford’s replacement and, oh man, I’m pretty sure Paul Millsap is tired of his shit already.

2016-17 outlook: Howard is still on pace to go down as the best center of his generation, but time is running out to re-establish himself as a premier threat in this league. But if anyone is in a sweet spot of being so overlooked he becomes underrated, it is Dwight, which means even the slightest uptick in production might make us appreciate him for what he is capable of doing on the court. Still not funny though!

Strength: Dropped 55 points on the Warriors as a rookie.

Weakness: Has struggled to stay healthy and remain consistent with his jumper.

Credentials: If you check the numbers, Jennings had several productive seasons with the Bucks to start his NBA career. He was also a trailblazer of sorts, by skipping the college process and playing professionally overseas for one year before entering the draft. He earned himself a spot on this squad by getting into it with a player named Casper Ware at the Garden. In a preseason game.

2016-17 outlook: He’s the newest Knick most likely to develop into a fan favorite. Jennings loves playing in front of the Garden fans, and with Rose’s injury history and inefficient play over the past few years, it might only be a matter of time before the MSG crowd is clamoring for Jennings and cheering on his transformation into Jamal Crawford 2.0. He could be a big deal this year playing in the World’s Most Famous Arena. 

Strength: Will talk shit to you on your Instagram feed before a preseason game.

Weakness: Injury prone. Has played precisely one NBA game.

Credentials: A legend before he even logged an official minute in the NBA, Embiid has done everything from openly court Rihanna to continually shouting out former 76ers general manager Sam Hinkie with "Trust The Process" references. The fun and games might be over though, at least for the rest of the league, as Embiid is finally ready to take the court after missing the first two seasons of his NBA career. He’s flashed a lot of potential during the preseason and (every 76ers fan please hold your breath while we work on some voodoo magic to heal Ben Simmons) looks like he might actually deliver on the promise of being the No. 3 pick in the 2014 draft.

2016-17 outlook: He’s going to be the savior in Philadelphia, the one they build a statue for in 15 years when they hang their fourth championship banner of the Embiid era. There’s no other ending that makes sense. 

Strength: Once dunked two balls through two hoops in the Slam Dunk Contest.

Weakness: The first player you think of when anyone mentions Shaqtin’ A Fool.

Credentials: McGee is on a shortlist of NBA players who once spent the final minutes of a game shamelessly chasing a triple-double (bonus points for the fact his team was losing by double digits). He’s on an even shorter list of players who ran back on defense while his team had the ball on the other end.

2016-17 outlook: McGee is a member of the Golden State Warriors, who sacrificed some of their depth to build a super team this summer, which means the time will come when McGee will be called upon to contribute on a championship contender. THE SKY IS OFFICIALLY THE LIMIT. 

Strength: Scored 63 points and recorded a triple-double in an all-star game in China.

Weakness: Appeared on a Kevin Durant HBO documentary once and was listed as "Kevin Durant’s childhood friend" instead of "NBA player."

Credentials: Beasley arguably had one of the greatest freshman seasons in NCAA history, but he’s become a journeyman in the NBA, with stints in China. He’s played on Miami, Minnesota, Phoenix, Miami again, Shanghai, Miami again, Shandong, Houston, and now he’s in Milwaukee. I’ve owned him on my fantasy team in every one of those stints, except for Shanghai and Shandong because no one in my inner circle ran a Chinese basketball fantasy league. If they did, I would have picked Beasley in the first round.

2016-17 outlook: Beasley is only 27, and (whispers very quietly) could still end up having a better career than Derrick Rose, the only player selected ahead of him in the 2008 draft. The Bucks, especially with the loss of Khris Middleton, need shooting. And if there’s anyone who can absolutely light it up and not do much else, it’s Beasley. Maybe this is the year he finally sticks.

Strength: No fear. Faced off against the best player on the planet once in the Eastern Conference Finals and promptly started blowing in his ear to disrupt his rhythm (spoiler: it didn’t work).

Weakness: Tends to agitate his teammates as much as he does the opponent. Once dressed up as Puff Daddy for Halloween.

Credentials: Once upon a time, Stephenson appeared to be a key cog on a championship contender in Indiana. Then he left for Charlotte, where he shot 17.1 percent from three in his lone disastrous season there, got traded to the Clippers last year and was shipped to Memphis in the middle of the year. This summer, he signed with the New Orleans Pelicans for $1.22 million with only $100,000 of it guaranteed. Suddenly, he’s gone from the next Lamar Odom on the championship Lakers to a guy just trying to make the NBA roster and avoid a seven-year career in China.

2016-17 outlook: Stephenson has not impressed in preseason, but there’s going to be an opportunity in New Orleans to produce, especially given the makeup of the roster and the absence of Jrue Holiday and Tyreke Evans to start the season. Still, the leash on Stephenson will be short, but if he can demonstrate his two-way skills again, Born Ready can rebuild his NBA value and help Anthony Davis get to the playoffs once again. Otherwise, it might be the Shanghai Sharks next season.

Strength: Was nicknamed ‘Kobe Wade’ while he played ball at Syracuse.

Weakness: He gave himself that nickname.

Credentials: When LeBron James returned to Cleveland in the summer of 2014, he had one message for Dion Waiters: study tape of Dwyane Wade to see how you can fit in. A few months later, Waiters was traded to Oklahoma City. Waiters is a career 41.1 percent shooter in the NBA but has never seen a shot he doesn’t like. He’s played with LeBron and KD and now seems primed for potentially a role of a lifetime in Miami.

2016-17 outlook: Waiters could be Wade’s replacement in Miami, or this might be the year everyone officially abandons Waiters Island. As always, there’s a very high variance when it comes to the outlook on Dion. But, Miami is going nowhere fast with Wade’s departure and Chris Bosh’s absence. If Pat Riley decides to tank this season, then there’s no better player to unleash for 25 shots a night than Waiters. Just the thought of that happening has us excited. 

Strength: He can really shoot the ball.

Weakness: He really can’t do much else.

Credentials: A late addition to the squad and a special exemption given that he’s not even in the NBA. Jimmer is a member of the Shanghai Sharks, but is already carving out his own legacy overseas, scoring 43 points in a tournament game back in September. Also, we couldn’t add J.R. Smith to this team after he won a championship, went shirtless for most of the summer, held out for a new deal and missed most of training camp, got $57 million, and called himself a dolphin in the most eloquent way possible in a New Yorker profile.

2016-17 outlook: There’s no better conclusion for an NBA castoff than to recreate himself as an overseas legend, and that’s perhaps Jimmer’s destiny as a professional basketball player. There’s a 15 percent chance Jimmer could become the Steph Curry of China and rack up millions of YouTube views with his half-court heat checks overseas. Actually, there’s a 150 percent chance this becomes Jimmer’s new reality this season. 

Strength: Lives life with a ‘why not’ motto. Gives zero fucks. Impervious to double birds. Also very good at picking out baby strollers.

Weakness: None.

Credentials: An odd choice given his talent level and success in the league compared to the rest of this group, but every team needs a leader, someone who will say "Fuck it, follow me" regardless of the circumstances, which makes Westbrook perfect for this role. He’s been destroying the competition for awhile now, and with Kevin Durant in Golden State, this is the year Westbrook is fully unleashed with no restrictions.

2016-17 outlook: 35 points a game? 35 shots a game? Average a triple double? 20 triple-doubles in a row? Attempting to dunk on Durant 35 times Nov. 3 in Golden State? Lead the Thunder to 50 wins and win the Most Valuable Player award? Everything is in play for Westbrook this year.