Dwyane Wade isn’t the player he used to be. He’s not really the player he’s needed to become, either. He’s 34 years old now and will turn 35 before the All-Star break. His mileage actually isn’t terrible—he’s played fewer career regular season minutes than Dwight Howard and Andre Iguodala, far less than 2003 Draftmates LeBron James and Carmelo Anthony—but only because of injuries, which have slowed him in other ways. He’s an average at best defender and he’s a terrible three-point shooter who doesn’t even pretend to try anymore. He took just 44 last season, and has only attempted 100-plus threes once in the past five seasons.
However, he’s also a perennial All-Star and an unrestricted free agent, one who believes he is deserving of one last big payday. He is not wrong in that regard. After all, Wade has never even been the highest-paid player on the Heat. And the simplest thing would be for Miami to give him one, seeing that he once opted out of two years and $42 million guaranteed. They haven’t.
This is where things get weird. Because while Wade is certainly deserving of a balloon payout from the Heat, it would be absolute insanity for another team to give him the same. The Heat would be paying him for services rendered, another team would be paying for what he can do for them now. Which, Hall of Fame career averages of 23.7 points, 5.8 assists and 4.8 rebounds aside, isn’t much. Yes, he averaged 19 ppg last season and shot a respectable 45.6 percent from the floor. But that was a career low, and it seems silly to expect it to get any better.
Still, Wade is an all-time great, and as such he has suitors. His jersey will sell, his championship history will allow him to command a locker room (and double teams). His twilight will still be enough to fill seats. Which could be enough. He’s not quite in Patrick-Ewing-on-the-Magic territory yet. So let’s take a look at the scenarios and make some odds.
MIAMI HEAT (2/5) — Why are they making this so difficult? Dwyane Wade is the best player in Miami Heat history, their Michael Jordan. Whose number, of course, is retired in Miami despite never playing for them. Without Wade, Shaq doesn’t get his fourth ring, without Wade, LeBron James never comes to Miami. Of course Pat Riley—the coach of that first team and the current team president, who made the call to retire Jordan’s number—likely thinks the most important person in Heat history is himself, which might could have led to the current pissing match. Shocking that the person who registered the term “threepeat” before even winning one has an ego. It seems likely they sort things out and Wade retires a Heat. But why did it ever come to this to begin with?
DENVER NUGGETS (5/2) — The Denver Nuggets have apparently offered Wade a deal for two years for $50-something million. It’s difficult to believe that the Nuggets really want Wade, or that Wade really wants to spend 41 games a year playing in the oxygen-light atmosphere of the Mile High City for a team that finished eight games out of a playoff spot. But hey, it’s only two years. And Peyton Manning was a Bronco, right? If Wade really is holding out for the most money, he could get it in Denver. Stranger things have happened.
CHICAGO BULLS (10/1) — If you believed the Bulls front office—which you should never, ever do under any circumstances—their goal this offseason was to get younger and more athletic. Wade does none of the former and only a little bit of the latter. He also plays the same position as their best player, who apparently had ego clashes with their previous best player. How would adding Wade (and Rajon Rondo!) help that? Also, the Bulls should still be smarting from the Ben Wallace debacle, when they handed a former rival a huge contract and then watched everything burn down. Maybe Wade isn’t another Wallace, but the very definition of insanity is to try the same thing and expect different results. Wade as a Bull back in 2010 would have been amazing. Wade as a Bull in 2016—Chicago roots aside—would just be sad.
CLEVELAND CAVALIERS (25/1) — What does Wade really want? If it’s a golden parachute made of cash, he won’t get it in Cleveland, where former running mate LeBron James has made it clear that he wants all the money moving forward. And after bringing Cleveland its first major sports championship in half a century, he’ll get it. Forever. However, if Wade wants to add one more ring to his total, this could be the best route. All it would take is leaving the only team he’s ever played for and accepting less money than every other Cavaliers starter. He was never really LeBron’s sidekick in Miami; he absolutely would be in Cleveland. Is this really how he wants to end his career?
MILWAUKEE BUCKS (50/1) — It seems odd that the Milwaukee Bucks, builders of a postmodern wingspan death machine, would spend tons of money to add the 6-4, 35-year-old Wade, especially when their LAST traditional signing, back-to-the-basket center Greg Monroe, set them back as it is. Nevermind the fact that they’d likely have to move Monroe to even sign Wade—trading bigger for smaller, older for younger—Wade would take minutes and shots from emerging stars Khris Middleton and Giannis Antetokounmpo. Yes, Wade has championship experience. Yes, he still has something left in the tank. Yes, he would likely make the Bucks better. No, he shouldn’t go there. They shouldn’t want him, either.
