This audio—which originates from a podcast called #DateFails—is amazing. Donald Sterling's former mistress V. Stiviano starts things off by saying, "No one even knew the Clippers existed until I came into the franchise," which is, of course, completely absurd. But just wait, it gets even better!

Later, Stiviano continues to talk as if she played a huge role in the recent turnaround of the Clippers. She takes credit for bringing Chris Paul to Los Angeles. She talks about how she pushed to have the Clippers become a better franchise than the Lakers. And then, she claims that, despite the fact that Sterling didn't like players with tattoos, she convinced him to sign Jamal Crawford in 2012.

At the end of the audio, Stiviano also suggests that she still knows a few people who work for the Clippers and that she has some pull within the organization. Can we get some of whatever she was on here for this weekend?!

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[via TMZ Sports]