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Jason Whitlock with the #abuserdynamics flea flicker. RT @Deadspin Retire Now http://t.co/3GGXBJDnyrpic.twitter.com/USZ3hZVAFq

— Black Guy Emeritus (@ReverendDrDash) July 10, 2015

Jason Whitlock gets paid to talk nonsense. It works if you're a sports writer, but it's terrible if you're an editor-in-chief. This is why he's still a top troll at ESPN but no longer the editor-in-chief of The Undefeated for basically being an obtuse megalomaniac

But give the man props, he's still doing his job. Whitlock went on Pardon The Interruption to deliver a post-mortem of sorts about that DeAndre Jordan fracas. It was already one of the craziest NBA stories in a while, and it was made crazier by Chris Broussard's "sources" and this bad metaphor from Whitlock.

Not physically restrain him, it’s a mental game. I’ve started every relationship this way, Dan. Isolate the woman, you get her away from her family and friends, you don’t want them talking any sense into her, you don’t want her knowing she’s making mistake. By the time it’s over and she’s in love, it’s like Charlie Brown’s teacher talking to her.

It's like he tried to interpolate a Chris Rock stand-up bit but with a little less sense.

Send all complaints, compliments, and tips to sportstips@complex.com.

[via Miami Heat]