Rejoice, fans of the WWE! The rockiest Road to Wrestlemania ever ends tonight (unless you count SmackDown, which you don’t, because no one does). Live from Los Angeles, the last Monday Night Raw before the Big Show (not this Big Show) promises to be more exciting than the, shall we say, lower-quality shows we’ve been subjected to since the Royal Rumble.
It’s important to remember the oldest of wrestling cliches for tonight: “Whoever stands tall to end the go-home show will lose at the pay-per-view.” That means that if you see Bad News Barrett actually win a match tonight, you can expect him to lose at Mania. In other news, you can still probably expect him to lose at Mania. So with that in mind, here are six things to look out for during tonight’s three-hour-long WrestleMania pre-pre-show.
- Rumors are circling that WWE wants to get Brock Lesnar’s probably unintelligible signature on a contract before the show tonight. This bit of information combines nicely with Reddit messiah/possible fraud MetsFan4Ever’s claim that if he resigns, Brock will win at Mania and continue being the reigning, defending, undisputed Heavyweight Champion of the World (copyright: Paul Heyman).
- Speaking of Brock Lesnar, it is expected that he and Roman Reigns will, for the first bleeping time, be in a ring together tonight. WWE has been protecting Reigns from Lesnar since the Rumble, but it’s more likely that they didn’t want him to go one-on-one on the mic with Heyman too often.
- To help sell the main event, it is also being said that Dwayne Johnson, aka some guy named The Rock, will show up to Raw to help Roman Reigns look really super strong. This on the wings of Rocky himself saying that he would love to discuss a possible WrestleMania 32 match with Brock Lesnar; you may recall that it was rumored for WrestleMania 30 before The Rock tore his guts in the second John Cena match and decided that maybe he would just stick to being fast and furious and nowhere near a ring.
- After last week’s admittedly badass bat beatdown, Sting is not expected to be at Raw tonight. That means you better get yourself ready for an exciting 20-minute promo where Triple H talks to the ethereal infinity also known as a TV camera, while yelling “STANG” a whole lot.
- In other “people who won’t be there” news, The Undertaker is also not in the plans to show up tonight. Looks like WWE was serious about the “keep Taker off TV to get people to watch Mania” thing, instead choosing to ride Bray Wyatt’s asthma for a whole month. To quote the fall of WCW: “That’ll put butts in the seats!”
- Finally, in the all-important Lana watch, the Ravishing Russian is reportedly getting a costume stitched for WrestleMania, confirming her presence in the Cena/Rusev US Title Match. No word on whether she will take a break from filming a terrible WWE Studios movie to appear on Raw tonight, which is fine by us; while we all love Lana, I could use more of the ridiculous Russian accent on the fake lawyer from last week.
In addition to the above rumors, it is confirmed that, for this all-important Raw, there will be not one but two guests hosts: Snoop Dogg will apparently have a segment with Curtis Axel, the people’s champion (#Axelmania), while Grantland Editor-In-Chief Bill Simmons will get to call a few matches and try to yell over JBL. WWE: giving the people what they want.