10 Reasons Why You Shouldn't Sleep on Katy Perry's Super Bowl Halftime Show

Image via Complex Original

Lenny Kravitz is cool, but Lenny Kravitz never made a Miss E…So Addictive. For whatever reason, people forget that Missy Elliott is one of the all-millenium GOATs. Like she didn't make “Get Ur Freak On” or “Hot Boyz.” Her last few singles were weak and it's possible she won't perform her best stuff—this is a Katy Perry show, remember?—but how could you hate on a rare Missy Elliott appearance even if? Missy Elliott appearances are a good thing. Like Go-Gurt. 

If you're familiar with “This Is How We Do” and some of her concert costumes, you'd know that Perry doesn't have a great track record when it comes to cultural sensitivity. So, will you see Perry strap on a wig of braids while carried by shirtless, chiseled black bodies? A bit extreme, but perhaps. This means if you're trying to get your scathing cultural appropriation Twitter commentary up, you have a good couple of minutes to practice away for your followers. Think of it as a shootaround for when you have to react to Iggy Azalea winning the Grammys in one week and after she wins the Lifetime Achievement Grammy for “creative contributions of outstanding artistic significance” in five years.

Here's some excerpts from the Billboard story to let you know know how she's ready to risk it all:

• Sharks!—“I'm probably going to be the only person in Super Bowl halftime history that will ever bring a lion and sharks to the show. It's going to be wild out there.”


• We Are The World Part II!—“I think we're all athletes on the field. From the dancers and the wonderful kids we have helping out.”


• You can't move in this digital space like Katy!—"I'm going to be using a lot of graphic effects. We have to lay out a layer on the field that is almost as big as the field so that the graphic effects can work."

It's like Perry is trying to win the Super Bowl. 

In other words, if people don't watch this Katy Perry performance, the NFL would have to look elsewhere to push the ratings. This could lead to better things; Hov could deservedly be a headliner (one can dream). This could also shoot us back to the dark ages of halftime shows. There were two big victims of the wardrobe malfunction: Janet Jackson, whose career became a cadaver compared to her '90s and '80s success as a result, and the viewers. With the exception of Prince, we were treated to years of stale-ass classic rock within what's supposed to be the most exciting night in sports (although I'll admit it: “Born to Run” goes hard). Now, do I want to listen to it after James Harrison made one of the greatest plays in Super Bowl history? No, I do not.

Katy Perry is a bit extra. Her performances and concerts have been described as bubbly, saccharine, colorful, quirky…you get the idea. You throw a paint palette at a wall, add a voice, and you get a Perry show. It's theatrics sans artistic resonance. You don't think “bubbly” when talking about the Super Bowl, but Perry does have enough theatrics to keep up with America's Biggest Game.

Conservative America is going to have a field day with Perry if the "pimped out Beyonce" take is any indicator of their cultural boiling point. Have you seen some Katy Perry's concert costumes? Definitely a bad role model, especially when you consider that her music is marketed to young girls. Perry is going to get called out by FOX News for sure on Monday (but probably not).

According to Forbes, Perry isn't getting paid for this gig. This is a labor of love, as they say. Meaning, you're going to get a 100 percent effort from Perry. Her music may be middling, but her performances are known for their professionalism. To witness a Perry show is to witness an event. As such, it's naturally going to be talked about the next day—unlike that Bruce Springsteen performance we quickly mentioned earlier.

What's beef? Beef is when Queen of New York Taylor Swift calls you a “straight-up enemy” in an interview and you respond with a Mean Girls reference: “If somebody is trying to defame my character, you're going to hear about it,” Perry says in the Billboard article profiling her Super Bowl preparation.

Oh, shit. Is Swift going on that Super Bowl screen? It probably won't happen, but a "maybe" is good enough reason to check-in. 

That are a lot of things going into the 12-minute performance. That's a lot of electricity. As you may recall, the 49ers were able to make a small comeback after halftime of Super Bowl XLVII when that blackout occurred. Watch the same thing happen because Perry wants to be a superstar. She's also a Seahawks fan, so get those conspiracy theories ready if they somehow benefit.

A classic. One of the greatest things of all time. Will not hear otherwise. She killed the game with this one.