Jenny Noonan, the author of the Rob Gronkowski-themed erotica-cum-fan fiction A Gronking to Remember (which, by the way, is currently sitting at no. 11 on Amazon's list of best-selling erotica), gave an interview out to, and it was published today on their website. Based on the Q&A, Noonan appears to be just as ridiculous as you would expect a person who can candidly write about their sexual fascination with Rob Gronkowski to be. Here are the best quotes from Noonan's interview, offered with as little comment as possible:

10. "Gilbert Gottfried reading from the book on TMZ was pretty special."

9. "A gentleman never asks and a lady never tells!"

8. "But with [A Gronking to Remember], it’s the Reese’s Pieces idea. You take two very disparate things like peanut butter and chocolate and jam them together and then voila, this new magical combination is born unto the world!

7.  "You always have this hope in the back of your head that this will be “the one,” but to be honest I just wrote this story to make my friends laugh and then...what do you know, Gilbert Gottfried is reading it on TMZ a week later. Life is nuts."

6. "I read an article about Sasquatch erotica last year and how much money these people were making. I thought that was hilarious and why not me too? I can do that."

5. On domestic abuse issues within the NFL: "In a perfect world, the actual criminal court system would handle this and ACTUALLY handle it, but for some reason we live in a world where Roger Goodell is asked to be our moral compass, which sometimes feels like asking a deer in the headlights to be a spokesperson for driving safety."

4. "There does seem to be a roving peanut gallery of online commentators who like to leave meandering, bonkers reviews on Amazon. I can appreciate that. It is probably the art of our time."

3. "I have a gigantic Google doc full of ideas, possibly hundreds. I’ll just have to pick one and let ‘er rip, motherfucker."

2. "You’ve got to crank up the drama. I’ve definitely been in tense situations with guys arguing about sports on TV and I’ve definitely masturbated in a garage. That about covers it."

1. "But I am the heat commander. I control the boners."

Thank you for sharing your gift with the world, Jenny.

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