Yes, this is real. A diehard Patriots fan (pen name Lacey Noonan, but if we’re being honest, it’s totally a guy) has written herself some erotic Rob Gronkowski-themed erotic fiction and is now selling it on Amazon. For just $2.99, you too can find out what happens when woman has “a passion that could not be spiked.”

If this all didn’t seem ridiculous enough, here’s part of the official synopsis of this 38-page, Kindle-only masterpiece:

Leigh has a serious problem. And it’s driving a “spike” between her and her husband Dan.

When Leigh wanders into the room where her husband and his friends are watching a football game, her life changes forever, because at that exact moment, NFL’s one-man wrecking ball, Rob Gronkowski of the New England Patriots, scores a touchdown and does his patented “Gronk Spike”—his notorious monster smashing of a football. When the ball shoots into the stratosphere, Leigh’s heart goes apitter-patter and she becomes seriously turned on.

Now normally-sheepish Leigh can’t stop thinking about it. She’d never given a second thought to football, but now the primal power of the Gronk Spike, and this raw monster of a man, Rob Gronkowski, is all that she wants, and she’ll stop at nothing until the romance of a lifetime is hers!

And, since you know you’re kind of curious, here’s an excerpt from the “book,” if one can truly call it that:

If you’re somehow still interested, you can probably read through the entire book in about 20 minutes. After that, you’ll just have to wait until part two comes out. If it’s anything like this one, we’re surely in for a treat.

Send all complaints, compliments, and tips to sportstips@complex.com

QwZGYybjqxjWp2x805nLLxmFk6igmxSq

[via Barstool Sports]