5 Erotic Sports Fan Fiction Novels We Didn't Know We Needed

"A Gronking To Remember" was just the start. We found 5 even more erotic sports fan fiction novels.

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Complex Original

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Under the pen name "Lacey Noonan," an author—nay, an American hero—recently penned one of the greatest works of fan fiction we here at Complex Sports had ever seen. Titled A Gronking To Remember, the novel centers around the sexual escapades of Patriots Pro Bowl tight end and All-World party boy Rob Gronkowski. It features steamy scenes of self-gratification, cuckolded husbands/Jets fans butt-fumbling in the bedroom, and—of course—one thunderous ecstacy-inducing Gronk spike into the protagonist's butthole.

We're talking highbrow shit here. 

Unfortunately, only six days ago, Amazon decided to pull the book off its digital shelves. The Internet retailer cited the cover's inappropriate use of the Patriots' "MHK" tribute patch which was sewn onto the team's jerseys following the death of Myra Kraft, wife of team owner Robert Kraft. To that end, we completely understand why the New England Patriots might not want that patch to appear on the cover of a book that features details about a player's "stone pillar of a cock." But what about the people? What about our needs? What about those of us who feel incomplete having never thumbed through the X-rated exploits of a lonely wife who gets off on Gronk touchdowns?

Well, we've come up with a solution. With A Gronking To Remember off the shelves for the foreseeable future, we searched long and hard and found a number of other sports fan fiction novels with equally sexually explicit content. Didn't think it could get any more absurd than A Gronking To Remember? Hah! Here are 5 Sports Fan Fiction Novels We Didn't Know We Needed.

1. "Pipe Dreams"

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Starring: J.R. Smith as "J.R. The Plumber", Shari Dripps, Gina Greenhouse

Author: Henrietta Lumpkin 

Excerpt:


There was a heavy knock at the door. My pulse raced. It was him. 


"Somebody in here trying to get the pipe?"


I was. I let him in and immediately noticed this wasn't your run-of-the-mill plumber. This man was covered in tattoos from head to toe, like a slab of hard granite that had been erected in a bad neighborhood for too long and was now covered in graffiti. I would have to be the one to clean him.


"The name's J.R. I hear your faucet has been wet and leaking for days with nobody to assist you. I'm here to lay this pipe."


I pointed him to the sink and watched as he soaked up the mess with paper towels, carelessly shooting each dripping wad into a trash can far across the room. He went 2-14, and even though I made it very clear he could simply pass them off to me to lay them into the can myself, he remained relentless. 


There was something about his tenacity that had me dreaming of getting my ass cheeks windmill-slapped by this mysterious man.

2. "Swaggy P Goes for Three"

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Starring: Nick Young as "Swaggy P", Iggy Azalea as "Igloo Australia"

Author: Alicia Finesse

Excerpt: 


Swaggy had always believed that the best things came in threes: the Three Musketeers, the Three Stooges, Migos. And where else was that more true than a place like Los Angeles? The glamour, the glitz, the Sunset Strip: it was a trifecta of sound, sight, and atmosphere; the Pacific's paradise city.


But even for all of Southern California's charms, Swaggy couldn't help but feel that some equation in his life was incomplete. There was still some missing holy trinity, some absent divine intervention, a ménage à trois of both physical and spiritual proportions​.


Or, better yet, an "igloo à trois." 


Sure, he was no stranger to double teams during a game. But off-the-court? Swaggy didn't feel like he was getting the attention that he deserved.


But—whether it was the sweet-smelling air, the thumping music, or the molly water that Brandon Jennings had slipped him—something about tonight was different. Swaggy was ready to make a play and, spying Igloo in the corner speaking to another beautiful woman, he could see that the lane was open. 


He drove, drawing each of them, pressed tight against his waist. 


"I know that this is meant to be," he said. "God came to me in a dream; he told me.


Igloo laughed. "Oy! Stop it, Swaggy. Do yew knore who this is?"


"I'm sorry, I can't say I'm familiar," he said. "But I hope she can play the didgeridoo."

3. "Smash Bros."

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Starring: Steph Curry as "Chef Curry", Klay Thompson as "Klay", Brittani Thotlight

Author:  Sandra Lovelace

Excerpt: 


It was approaching 2 a.m. in a steamy and crowded Bay Area club. Brittani was exhausted. She had spent two hours preparing her hair, makeup, and clothes for the night, and after spending twice as long dancing in high heels without finding her Prince Charming, decided it was time to start on her way back home.


That's when she saw them.


They were like two shining lights in the darkness. Literally. It was pitch black aside from a few camera phone flashes, and Chef Curry and Klay stood out in the crowd like a couple of giant yellow lighthouses. She approached, desperate, wondering if either one of them might be able to rescue her from such agonizing loneliness. 


"Hey, fellas."


Chef Curry smiled and put his hand on her shoulder.


"Hey, Brittani. Is there anything we can do to rescue you from your agonizing loneliness?"


"WHAT? But how...my name...what—how did you know—"


Klay put his finger on her supple lips to quiet the questioning. "Don't you worry, Brittani. We could read it in your eyes and hear it in your voice."


"As clear as day, " Curry said. "We're the Smash Brothers. We go deeper than most. Psychologically speaking, of course."


It didn't take long for introductions in the club to turn into seduction in the bedroom, the three of them intertwined in an amorphous ball of light-skinned love.

4. "Life Is Suite"

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Starring: Jerry Jones as "Big Tex" 

Author: Austin Dallas

Excerpt: 


They had met at La Bare, a Dallas strip club that was about as European as French fries, and now here she was, she thought: JerryWorld


Sure, it was a box seats bathroom. Sure, there was a lingering scent of Lysol and stale vomit sticking to the tile floor. But no one had ever promised her satin sheets on a bed of roses. She was no fool. As far as she was concerned, this was a promotion from grinding on top of beer-swilling cowboys and overweight BBQ chefs at the club every night. She felt like a desert flower that had done poked its way up through the dirt. 


Now, as the Cowboys faced off against Big Blue, she sat there, waiting for something else to come poking along. And she knew it wasn't going to be no flower.

5. "Ass is in Session"

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Starring: Floyd "Money" Mayweather as Floyd "Study" Mayweather, Ms. Stacked as Teacher

Author: Dr. A.H. Honeycutt

Excerpt: 


"Please open your scholastic reading workbooks to page seven."


Floyd was excited to be back at night school. Book learning wasn't ordinarily his favorite thing, but something was different about the level of care and detail the teacher put into her lessons. He opened his workbook to page seven.


"Now, class, who here can read me the first sentence on the page? Floyd, would you care to volunteer?"


Mayweather was happy to oblige the voluptuous Ms. Stacked. He wasn't very confident about reading in public, but the teacher's presence was always calming for him. It was probably her soft, soothing voice. Or her giant boobs.


He stood up. "Dan h-h-has many pets in his house. He has th-three big dogs, a par—a para...keet, two b-b-bunny rabbits, and a puss—a puss—a p-p-p—"


Ms. Stacked approached the struggling undefeated millionaire, hovering over his shoulder low enough that her breasts rested softly on his neck. She leaned in to whisper something seductively in his ear.


"PUSSY cat."


"Pussy cat. Yeah, shit. Yeah, I knew that. I can read, dammit."

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