The blank is for "hell." As in, what the hell, Danica Patrick? 

Derek Jeter's new website The Player's Tribune has a new recurring series called "What the (Blank)?" The athletes are given fill-in-the-blank sentences and are asked to provide a personal answer. Let's take a look at what she wrote. 


At the start, she seems pretty normal. If you're not sick and tired of "Eye of the Tiger," you really can't be trusted with anything important in this life. Then there are a couple answers about hair and being scared of failure, blah, blah. It's what comes after hair failure that caught my eyebrow. "'California' is my favorite road city." Hmmm ... well then. To state the obvious, California is not a city. San Francisco could have worked. Monterey could have worked. Los Angeles could have worked. You know, because they're cities. However, considering how absolutely stunning the roads are throughout Cali, we'll give her a pass on this one. I'm about 99.97 percent sure that she knows California is not a city. But that's not all this wonderfully informative athlete Mad Lib gave us. Oh yes, there's more!

First: "My perfect sandwich would be 'a salad or cookies!'" Second: "The greatest athlete on Earth right now is 'my dog Dallas.'" 

Wow, Danica, you really crushed this thing. A salad is not a sandwich, silly! You can have a veggie sandwich. Hell, my dad used to literally call that a "salad sandwich." But a salad is not a sandwich. Neither are cookies. Cookies could be involved with sandwiches in some instances, like ice cream sandwiches. You could have said that. Really, you should have said that, because ice cream sandwiches are freaking delicious. But that's not what you said. 

You did say, however, that your dog is the greatest athlete on Earth. I've seen Dallas on your Instagram. All he does all day is scrounge around the dishwasher looking for scraps and take naps. I'd probably put him at around 18th-best athlete on Earth, and that's being slightly generous.  

Hey Player's Tribune, it's probably time to start rethinking those "Senior Editor" titles, for a variety of reasons. 

[via The Player's Tribune]

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