The Nastiest ESPN-on-ESPN Beefs

Image via Complex Original

Year: 2008

Toughest shot: Atlas stepped to Loughery with intent but also with indecisive physical constitution.

Punishment: One-week suspension for Atlas

Teddy Atlas was willing to die for what he believed in. Or at least get into excessive altercations over work-related things. If you think Bill Simmons has been a disrupter for change at ESPN, then you gotta know your revolutionary ESPNers by heart. Atlas is one of the OGs. He's been ESPN's lead boxing analyst since 1998, and he's always been an internal crusader. In 2003, shit just got super real on the job and he got suspended because of an intense verbal spat with a production assistant.

Then in 2008, Atlas stepped to his program director, Doug Loughery. Atlas was pissed that Loughery was allegedly showing favoritism to certain promoters, who would then go out and steal boxers away from other promoters with promises of ESPN fights. As a long-time trainer in the game, this brand of circle-jerking wasn't going to fly with Atlas. He nearly put hands on Loughery, but a physical fight was avoided. The result was just a lot of huffing and puffing and a one-week suspension.

Year: 2009

Toughest shot: Phillips threatened to fire her if she didn't sleep with him and shut up about it.

Punishment: Phillips fired, enters rehab

This was nearly Tiger Woods-types of bizarre. Whenever an affair results in a wild car accident, you know things really got out of hand. After Steve Phillips had a brief affair with ESPN staffer Brooke Hundley, he ended it on awful terms. He aggressively pursued Hundey and threatened to fire her if she told anyone, which drove her nuts. She began stalking his wife, and after leaving a letter bragging about the affair at Phillips' home, she sped away right into a column. Whoops.

ESPN decided to wash its hands of the situation by firing Phillips after both Phillips and Hundley agreed to not press criminal charges against each other. Phillips checked into a “treatment facility” after getting canned.

Year: 2012

Toughest shot: “Don't be lazy. And you [Colin Cowherd] were lazy yesterday.”

Punishment: N/A

Although Dan Patrick admitted to having a “cordial relationship” with Colin Cowherd, the ESPN vet didn't appreciate the new guy stepping on his toes. The day after Junior Seau committed suicide, Patrick interviewed Kurt Warner on his radio show. Warner told Patrick that he wouldn't want his kids playing football—a bold statement, but a powerful one considering that brain trauma from concussions might have played into Seau's suicide. Cowherd interviewed Warner a day later and got him to say the same thing. Later, when Mike and Mike in the Morning played the Warner audio, they credited Cowherd, not Patrick. To a journalist of Patrick's stature, Cowherd's copy cat interview was received as disrespectful. It's like, don't ask the same questions as the last guy, bro. If you want to know what a pissed off Dan Patrick sounds like, look no further than his irritated takedown of Cowherd.

Year: 2011

Toughest shot: “I noted there's no talent. There is also no taste.“–Keith Olbermann on Bill Simmons

Punishment: N/A

When two of the most undefiable personalities in ESPN history locked horns, the online war of words between Olbermann and Simmons was brutal. It all began when Simmons wrote that awful column comparing Tiger Woods' comeback to Muhammad Ali's. An offended Olbermann took shots at Simmons on his blog, calling him a writer with, “no discernible insight or talent, save for an apparent ability to mix up a vast bowl of word salad very quickly.” Simmons, never one to take it laying down, fired back by calling Olbermann a “pious, unlikable blowhard who lives alone.” They went on to trade a few further pompous-sounding barbs before Father Time buried the hatchet. All in all, this basically read like the worst Facebook comment war ever.

Year: 2010

Toughest shot: “She’s what I would call a Holden Caulfield fantasy at this point.”

Punishment: Two week suspension for Kornheiser

Tony Kornheiser must dress his wife like a modest 1920s woman. It's a weird field for Kornheiser to have expertise in, but when he melted down over Hannah Storm's outfit in 2010, it became apparent that he's quite the Four-Pins reader. Here's what he had to say: “Hannah Storm in a horrifying, horrifying outfit today. She’s got on red go-go boots and a catholic school plaid skirt…way too short for somebody in her 40s or maybe early 50s by now.” [She’s 52 now.] “She’s got on her typically very, very tight shirt. She looks like she has sausage casing wrapping around her upper body…I know she’s very good, and I’m not supposed to be critical of ESPN people, so I won’t …but Hannah Storm…come on now! Stop! What are you doing?…She’s what I would call a Holden Caulfield fantasy at this point.”

She responded by saying, "maybe you should take this...you have a following, maybe you should take this as food for thought." He later apologized. 

Year: 2013

Toughest shot: “Everyone lost.“—Bill Simmons on the infamous Richard Sherman First Take interview

Punishment: Three-day Twitter suspension for Simmons

Once again, we see Bill Simmons taking other stars at the network to task. After Skip Bayless got blown up by Richard Sherman on First Take, Simmons voiced his disgust for the segment in the tweet above, which earned him a brief Twitter suspension.

Year: 2013

Toughest shot: N/A

Punishment: N/A

This beef, alleged by Deadspin in 2013, is just another example of how many miles ESPN's basketball studio show is behind what the guys over at Inside the NBA are doing. Magic Johnson allegedly left ESPN because of a power struggle with Bill Simmons over the direction of NBA Countdown. Simmons, who had already forced Michael Wilbon off the show, was able to push Magic out the door in favor of Doug Collins. Magic's record as a basketball analyst doesn't seem to fall in line with how Simmons likes to discuss NBA action—Magic has always made simpleton-level points, while Simmons carries the Smart Guy aura.

Year: 2014

Toughest shot: “Do I get to speak now? It's been 10 minutes.“—Bill Simmons

Punishment: N/A

Bill Simmons made Sage Steele look visibly salty on-air. Her shame was similar to how mothers feel after their kids throw whinny temper tantrums in public, which is basically what happened.

Year: 2014

Toughest shot: “I'll never feel clean again”—Michelle Beadle after watching Stephen A. Smith speak

Punishment: N/A

Stephen A. Smith's “elements of provocation” rant following Ray Rice's domestic abuse charges is perhaps the dumbest and most injurious segment in First Take history (that's saying something). ESPN SportsNation host Michelle Beadle took great exception to Smith's offensive comments, taking him down on Twitter with class and ease.

So I was just forced to watch this morning's First Take. A) I'll never feel clean again B) I'm now aware that I can provoke my own beating.— Michelle Beadle (@MichelleDBeadle) July 25, 2014

I'm thinking about wearing a miniskirt this weekend…I'd hate to think what I'd be asking for by doing so @stephenasmith. #dontprovoke— Michelle Beadle (@MichelleDBeadle) July 25, 2014

I was in an abusive relationship once. I'm aware that men & women can both be the abuser. To spread a message that we not 'provoke' is wrong— Michelle Beadle (@MichelleDBeadle) July 25, 2014

Violence isn't the victim's issue. It's the abuser's. To insinuate otherwise is irresponsible and disgusting. Walk. Away.— Michelle Beadle (@MichelleDBeadle) July 25, 2014

Year: 2014

Toughest shot: “You leave me alone. The commissioner's a liar and I get to talk about that on my podcast.”

Punishment: Three week suspension for Simmons.

When Bill Simmons called NFL commissioner Roger Goodell a “liar” on his podcast, he wasn't fibbing. Goodell is a liar. That's fact. ESPN suspended Simmons for his comments anyway, citing that they weren't up to ESPN's “journalistic standards.” But according to ESPN omsbudsman John Ourand, the main reason why Simmons was suspended was because he directly challenged ESPN's big bossman John Skipper to step to him: “I really hope somebody calls me or emails me and says I'm in trouble for anything I say about Roger Goodell,” he said. “Because if one person says that to me, I'm going public. You leave me alone. The commissioner's a liar and I get to talk about that on my podcast.”

Year: 2014

Toughest shot: “I would say I lost respect for that show, but I never had it.“—Bill Simmons on Mike and Mike

Punishment: N/A

You know what gets Mike Golic seriously pissed off? Lame sports takes. Simmons delivered one during an NBA broadcast, likening LeBron James' move to the Cavs to Albert Pujols' to the Angels, saying, “the Cardinals' Pujols never showed up in Anaheim.” Okay, cool, Bill. Golic wouldn't let it go though, taking to his radio show to blast Simmons: “I think it's one of the most ridiculous statements I've heard four games into a season in my life in any sport. That's what I'll say about Bill Simmons. So, you know, he grabbed a headline, which is something I know he loves—and that's one of the most ridiculous lines I've ever heard in any sport in my life. Four games into a season. I don't even…that's ridiculous. I put nothing—zero—on that.”

That really pissed off Simmons:

Have the balls to call me to discuss it on the show. Don't pull it out of context just because you need fodder for a segment. Pathetic.— Bill Simmons (@BillSimmons) November 6, 2014

Who then received an apology from Golic:

Spoke to Bill, all is good. I will discuss on show— Mike Golic (@espngolic) November 6, 2014

And now everyone can live happily ever after in Bristol. Just for now, at least.

Year: 2014

Toughest shot: “Seriously, if someone says evolution is wrong because there aren't fossils between monkeys and men, find a monkey and hit him with it.“—Keith Law on Curt Schilling

Punishment: Twelve-day Twitter suspension for Law.

Up to this point, everyone on this list said or did something questionable regarding current events in sports. Not Keith Law, though. ESPN's baseball writer traded tweets with Curt Schilling last month because Schilling wouldn't stop trying to disprove evolution. Schilling, of course, is an idiot, and Law—in far from an inflammatory manner—pointed out how wrong Schilling was. ESPN responded to the ESPN-on-ESPN violence with a Twitter suspension for Law. Nothing was handed down for Schilling, who would later write on Facebook that he expected to be suspended, and was surprised at the apparent double standard.

ESPN claims that, “Keith's Twitter suspension had absolutely nothing to do with his opinions on the subject,” which might technically be true. Richard Deitsch reported that ESPN's acted against Law because he had previously been warned about his Twitter interactions, and that Law's choice to publicly engage Schilling on a hot-button religious issue was viewed in poor taste. Frankly, those are bullshit reasons, but ESPN's history when it comes to maintaining a consistent criteria for suspensions has clearly never been a company objective.