Many casual "fans" may knock the low scoring that appears to be synonymous with soccer; but this early afternoon Germany's Thomas Muller was a one-man offensive dynamo. In the first game for both Germany and Portugal, the German forward exploded for a hat trick (which should be no surprise as he was tied for the top scorer after the 2010 World Cup wrapped up). Even though one goal would've beaten the goose-egged Portugese, Muller turned it on on the international stage with not one:

Not two:

But three goals during today's action:

No doubt, that's better than some entire countries are going to do.

More importantly for U.S. fans (presumably you), his flop led Portugal's Pepe to headbutt him leading to an ejection and a suspension for Sunday's game against the Stars and Stripes.