Pro tip: If the nine whiskey sours you drank earlier in the evening are making an irreversible trip up your throat, remove the fedora from atop your head and use it as an impromptu vomit bucket.

Rolling down the window for an inebriated friend in need isn't difficult. But if you're too wasted to handle a car ride, then there's no way you're making a clean transfer of stomach matter from your mouth to the street, especially in a moving vehicle. As a driver, "Can someone roll a window down?" means that you're six minutes away from seeing a violent expulsion of liquid splash across your dashboard. Pull over, let this lightweight ralph in a ditch like the foul degenerate that he is, and keep it moving.