A Guide To Tailgating

Image via Complex Original

First things first: how you're going to get there. If you're really going in on this tailgate, you're going to want a legit RV, but those are expensive, bulky, require additional work, and overall more difficult to handle. A pickup truck, like this Ford Atlas (a future-telling of the F-150), is perfect. You can load the back with all your stuff (we'll cover that later), and the bed can double as a place to sit. A big SUV will cut it as well, but don't be the dude that shows up with a sedan. Not cool.

Forget the dinky tabletop option. If you want to cook for a crowd, you need a grill that can handle the workload. Find one that can fold up for easy transport or take advantage of one of the newest technological advancements: a grill that attaches to the hitch. You'll look like a genius, and setup will be infinitely quicker.

Extra ice. Extra cups. Extra buns. A power strip to charge cell phones. More chairs than you thought you'd ever need (you'll thank us when the girls need a place to sit). Sun screen. Napkins. A speaker for music. A tent for the rain, if the weather looks bad. And, perhaps most importantly, a few rolls of toilet paper. Your friends might laugh at you, but they'll change their tune when there's none left in the port-o-potty.

The easiest way to do this is having somebody bring at least one thing. You can get the main pieces, but everybdoy else should be bringing you sides, chips, dips, cheese plates (ehh, maybe not in the sun), or vegetable trays. And MAKE SURE you bring plenty of water. Everybody will obviously be drinking alcohol, but it's important to make sure nobody's going to get heat exhaustion or get dehydrated. Plus, you want to keep everybody at a level where they're not going to get kicked out of the game (we've seen it multiple times).

Your set up is obviously not going to be anywhere close to as awesome as this guy's, but it's important to have a way to watch other current games or (if some people didn't buy tickets or just don't want to go in) the game that's happening in the stadium directly to your left. With the tech we have today, there are a variety of ways to find the games, but it's as simple as streaming on a tablet and connecting that to a TV. OR, if you're super creative/incredible, you can set up an in-truck hotspot and use that to watch.

You've loaded the food and drinks, and you're decked from head to toe in team gear. Leave. As. Early. As. Possible. Tell your friends the same. The longer you're there, the longer the party lasts. This is twice as important if you're in charge of cooking. During football season, serious chefs will get out to the lots at (believe it) 4-5 a.m. to start the slow, but oh-so-important smoking process. People will like you if you bring the basic brats and burgers. You'll be a king if you're dishing out fall-off-the-bone ribs or pulled pork.

Yes, we're being serious. Most stadiums have their own list of tailgating rules, so you should at least familiarize yourself with them before you get there. It'll help you avoid any awkward situations (and a jail cell, if things get really crazy).

It's tempting to take the spot closest to the entrance when you're arriving so early, but that's a rookie mistake. If you set up there your tailgate will very quickly turn into a busy thoroughfare, and you'll be fending off people trying to buddy up to you for a free beer. Choose a spot that's out of the way, but close to the stadium. It'll make your stumble (err,walk) to your seats that much easier, and you'll be able to enjoy every moment of your party.

Unless you want to wind up like this dude, you're going to need to hold off on the beers for like 10 minutes. Get your tables, chairs, and whatever else you're using situated before you start the shotgunning. Make sure you've separated what you're consuming into hot and cold coolers. It'll make your food taste better when you eat it, and you'll avoid getting sick.

The most annoying thing at tailgates is when people wander off going to the bathroom or to see other friends and can't find their way back. The best bet is a large, noticeable flag that will make your spot easy to keep track of. Cell phone service isn't always the greatest at big events, and even if it is, directions can be pointless. "Hey, yeah, we're near the big van, er, by the people with the bags set ... shit. I'M WAVING MY HAND! CAN YOU SEE ME?"

Don't start the afternoon with a game of flip-cup or battle-shots, unless you want to spend four quarters passed out under the car. Kings and beer pong are good ways to start.

Standing around, talking, drinking and eating is great and all, but it's good to get some action going at your tailgate. Bring a hillbilly golf set or bags or any other universally known or easy-to-play game that you can set up on grass, gravel, or pavement. If you're lucky, your cute neighbors three cars down will want to play. 

Don't be that dude that lets his Natty Ice cans roll around the parking lot. Toss your stuff and then toss the bag before you head inside. Your neighbors will appreciate it, and you're sure as hell not going to want to do it after the game.

Most people are in a rush to get out of the parking lot after the game, but the seasoned vets know that the post-game rush is a perfect opportunity for an extra burger or two. Set up quickly and chomp down one more burger before it's time to call it quits.