The Most Humiliating NFL Rookie Hazings

Image via Complex Original

Team: San Francisco 49ers
Year: N/A

With the dorms nearly a third of a mile away from the practice field, Niners players used to heavily rely on a bike to get them back and forth. But that necessity meant nothing to Joe Montana. Even though he still denies it 'til this day, it is believed that Montana—who would get out of practice earlier than others simply because he was a quarterback—would get his teammates' bikes and hide them or put them in the nearby trees.

Sometimes, you got lucky and found it in the dark in a matter of minutes or in some instances, you just walked. It was a cruel joke that became a tradition for Joe Cool for years, but hey, it's a small price to pay for being a part of one of his four Super Bowl winning teams, no?

Team: Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Year: 2005

This goes out to all future NFL rookies out there. If you're asked to do something as fairly harmless as fetching the Gatorade for a veteran teammate, jump at the opportunity. The hazing could be a lot worse. Just keep clicking through to see how bad it could get. Of course, you could reject such a menial task, like the Buccaneers' Chris Colmer, and end up with a waaaaaaay worse hazing.

Back in 2005, Colmer was asked by teammate Mike Alstott to get a cup of Gatorade. He refused. So, Alstott got his redemption by taking the wheels off Colmer's whip, putting the car up on blocks and cluing him in on the four different locations where each wheel was located. Man, a treasure map? Even the Bucs' hazing is pirate-themed. Nice!

Team: Carolina Panthers
Year: 2007

A hazing list isn't complete without at least one goal post treatment. In 2007, the Panthers killed three birds with one stone by tying Jon Beason, Mickey Pimemtel and Tim Shaw to a goal post with a ridiculous amount of tape. After all, you don't want your victim, er, teammate to escape, right? Then, when the three guys were nice and snug, they were dounced with water and Gatorade. It doesn't sound all that humiliating but look at that picture! When was the last time you saw that much liquid hit a person's face? Wait, don't answer that.

Team: Dallas Cowboys
Year: 2007

Clippers and hazing are every NFL rookie's nightmare. Just ask Doug Free, who got this Two-Face look which must've made the Raiders' Alex Parsons think to himself, "damn, I got it easy." While Free is lucky enough to play in a sport where your head is mostly covered by a helmet, we don't know what happened to dude off the field. Maybe rock a strait-jacket to really complete the look?

Team: Jacksonville Jaguars
Year: 2009

If you're going to get your hair jacked up beyond belief, it's good to have rookie teammates by your side. Maybe we're just reading too much into it, but are these haircuts supposed to look like an actual jaguar clawed at them and attacked their heads?

Team: Denver Broncos
Year: 2013

Who wants to go back and forth carrying your teammates' pads off the field? The Broncos' Ross Rasner did it right, people. Make one trip, even if you look absolutely ridiculous in the process.

Team: Houston Texans
Year: 2010

Unless Trindon Holliday hit an incredible growth spurt between the day he was selected in the 2010 NFL Draft and the start of Texans training camp, he had to foresee that someone was going to knock his 5'5" frame. And while we get the tricycle part, why does it have to be pink? That's just kicking a man while he's down. But, judging from the picture in the thumbs, it looks like Holliday took it all in stride and took some teammates along for the ride. 

Team: Tennessee Titans
Year: 2008

You see, this is why NFL players can't have nice things. While there are people out there in this world, wishing for some ketchup on their fries or hoping to chomp down on an ice cream sundae, Titans veterans showered then-rookies Lavelle Hawkins and Cary Williams with every condiment in the book. Whipped cream, mustard, ketchup, mayo, everything. On the bright side, at least they didn't make them eat it.

Team: Denver Broncos
Year: 2010

While Tebow was receiving his Friar Tuck haircut, was he looking up, saying to himself, "forgive them for they do not know what they do?" Did Tebow simply "turn the other cheek"? Since his hazing, has Touchdown Timmy made sure to "do unto others as you would have them do to you"? Are we going to hell for this one?

Team: Dallas Cowboys
Year: 2006

You can work around some haircuts. There's no way you can make this one right. We see the Cowboys' Dennis Roland rocking a Crest smile in this picture, but we would've loved to see his initial WTF moment. Maybe it looked something like this.

Team: Oakland Raiders
Year: 2012

No words. There's just... no words. Nix could've flipped this into a Hulk Hogan look, but his teammates had to keep that front part. Who did Nix piss off to get his hair this jacked up? 

Team: New York Giants
Year: 2012

When video surfaced of Jason Pierre-Paul dumping Prince Amukamara into a cold tub as part of the rookie hazing treatment, the reception was, for lack of a better term, cold. Head coach Tom Coughlin said he was going to look into it and the Giants received a bad rap for what some saw as more bullying than anything else. However, after one year in the NFL, Amukamara said that the hazing brought out his aggressiveness and swag. To which, JPP probably responded, saying "yup, that was all part of the plan" as his eyes shifted feverishly from left to right.

Team: Jacksonville Jaguars
Year: 2010

Being tall has its advantages and here's just another example. When your teammates leave the silhouette of a dick on your head, it's a good thing to be 6'5", like Kevin Haslam. For shorter folks, it probably looked like a faux hawk and Haslam would've vehemently agreed with that assumption.

Team: Miami Dolphins
Year: 1977

When your veteran teammates tell you to sing, you sing. It's simple. But, according to Don Shula, one player named LeRoy Harris opted not to belt out anything and as a result, he was picked up and thrown into the pond located behind the dorm at St. Thomas University. Problem solved, right? Well, there was only one problem. Harris couldn't swim. Eventually, his 'Phins teammates needed to jump in and save him before he died. 

So, when did they realize that Harris couldn't swim? When he started singing this song as he paddled to stay afloat.

Team: Cincinnati Bengals
Year: 1974-75

There's no way someone can top the humiliating hazing that Lyle Blackwood did to many teammates. As the ringleader, Blackwood would talk about a woman sitting in the stands to a rookie during one of their preseason games. Blackwood would tell the guy that even though she was married, she would sleep with the rook and he could make it happen. 

Then, one day, Blackwood would tell the rookie that the time and place were set. So, when their victim finally got there, a teammate with a shotgun filled with blanks would come storming out, firing his weapon as the helpless victim hauled ass out of there.

While Blackwood refuses to name anyone in particular, he did say that one time, a rookie hopped over a barbed wire fence and wasn't found for five hours with tattered clothes and still running for his life down a dirt road. Like we said, no one is topping this hazing.